I did TEDxWomenOjai!

December 16, 2011

in Dyana, Presentation Skills, Video

Some of you know I spoke at TEDxWomenOjai earlier this month. Giant thanks to Jodi Womack for inviting me, Darina Stoyanova for co-hosting. If you are not yet turned on to the TED movement, click here to have your mind blown.

Here’s the video of my talk, I Am Not Sorry.

If you cannot see this 17:51 video, click here. For the full transcript of the talk, click here.

I am honored to have shared the stage with these amazing women (talk titles below are linked to their video):
Kira Ryder, Yogini, Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Alana Sheeren, Grief Guide, Owning Our Grief
akka b, Poet, Permission to Play
Colleen Wainwright, The Communicatrix, Are You Sure It’s Impossible?
Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D., Business Consultant, What I’ve Learned from Being a Girl Scout
Alison Ivy, Money DeMystifier, The Gift of Money Know-How

So, it’s your turn–tell me in the comments where you are sorry and where you are NOT sorry.


Don’t be sorry, share this with a friend. Copy and paste these Tweets:

I’m not sorry; are you? @dyanavalentine rocks @TEDxWomenOjai #TEDTalks http://bit.ly/dyanatedxojai

What do you really mean when you say, “I’m sorry?” @dyanavalentine has some ideas @TEDxWomenOjai http://bit.ly/dyanatedxojai #TEDTalks

Guess what? @dyanavalentine is NOT sorry. http://bit.ly/dyanatedxojai @TEDxWomenOjai #TEDTalks

  • http://twitter.com/heatherlyone Heather Thorkelson

    Canada needs your help.  We’re always sorry, all the time.

  • http://www.execumama.com/ Execumama

    Wonderful, Dyana! You’re such a great storyteller!

    You lit a fire under my behind with this one, for sure! The best part is that the person I needed to tell my “I’m not sorry” to, was ME!  So here goes:
    Akilah, I am NOT sorry that I chose this path–not even when it hurts!
    Akilah, I am NOT sorry that my daughters don’t go to fancy school because I chose entrepreneurship over law school!
    Akilah, I AM defining, designing, and living my best-case scenario life, and I am NOT SORRY for being bold enough to stick to that decision.

    BLADOW!!! That felt great!

  • http://www.couragetochange.us Jennifer

    When I’m sorry, I make amends.  But I stopped apologizing for my existence after my daughter died.  I look forward to connecting now that you’re back from Ojai. And congratulations, too!  Jennifer Boykin

  • Nicole Hartley Bradford


    The thing I am sorry for (though it comes out sub consciously at other times, the “sorry” facade)…is for not being more aware yet, and thereby hurting someone. 

    I have 4 kids so that happens a lot, especially when they are in tangles with each other and I go in and “try to help”.  I always regret it.

    The beauty I see is in the opportunity for SINCERE APOLOGY.

    I am so sorry that I am not better at dealing with these things yet, and that because of this I make you feel like you are not the wonderful and amazing and cherished being that you actually are.  I am sorry for force feeding you “my wisdom”…(it is a real violation of their free will and makes it even harder for them to open up to looking at themselves).  I am sorry I hurt you and get in your way.  I want you to know that hurting you like that makes me determined to heal my shstuff, find new ways of doing things and transform my life so yours can be transformed too.  You mean the world to me, and I want to do good by you.

    Regardless of what they need to learn, regardless of the ways they hurt me, regardless of the fact that they are not apologizing to me.

    Having the chance to say these things is always welcome.   To clarify my intention and ask the Universe for help in finding ways to change and heal…it makes the mess up worth it.

    And so, in the end, I am not sorry..like you said, Dyana, I just AM.

  • Anonymous

    you are STUNNING and I am not sorry you are you, that is for SURE. I’m truly moved by you–thank you for the heartfelt comment.

    BIG LOVE coming your way, Akilah.

  • Anonymous

    Very clean approach, Jennifer–beautiful. I am so glad you stopped apologizing and I’m very glad you exist. Love coming your way and your daughter’s.

  • Anonymous

    Big belly laugh on this one, Heather–I’m happy to come up and spread the knowledge:) I’d love that. Thanks for the great vibe–be a leader–a Not Sorry leader.

  • http://www.catherinejust.com Catherine Just

    Oh congratulations Dyana! Loved watching you in action!
    I am NOT sorry that I am a leader.
    I am NOT sorry that am HERE and EXIST.
    I am NOT sorry that I don’t cook, clean or do laundry.


    thank you for living LARGE and NOT toning it down. xo


  • http://www.catherinejust.com Catherine Just

    Oh congratulations Dyana! Loved watching you in action!
    I am NOT sorry that I am a leader.
    I am NOT sorry that am HERE and EXIST.
    I am NOT sorry that I don’t cook, clean or do laundry.


    thank you for living LARGE and NOT toning it down. xo


  • Kathrynjennex

    🙂 I am sorry when I have caused hurt to others. I am NOT sorry that I took the time to work at a job in the North that I loved, when others thought it very selfish of me,and I hope to do it again. It changed me in so many ways for the better.

    Loved this Dyana – thanks x

  • http://twitter.com/CareerConcierge Rikke

    My motto is: I don’t give a flying fart!!.. aka I’m not sorry;). Having lived in the culture that practically invented ‘I’m (ever so) sorry’ (the United Kingdom) since 1996, your talk hit home big time!

    I remember being told in my last ‘corporate’ job (before I finally just decided to build a business around who I was and what I naturally did (and they way I did it)) to ‘tone it down’ as well (you can probably picture that from our encounter in New York in October xx) . I remember that I looked my manager straight in the eye and said “If I tone it down, what are people left to connect with?”…sadly she didn’t ‘get it’ and I knew the time had come to spend my time with people who did (and even paid me for it). xx

    Thanks for being you full stop – no excuses! Who needs an apology when you have a mission?

  • Shelley Chapman

    I AM……so proud of you girl!  This was fantastic. I really love the “socially sanctioned junk food aka Trader Joes” story.  I’ve personally witnessed the socially conscious buyers who feel their carts with greens and feel sheepish about their “snack”.  Love your vibe and energy during the talk and I’m happy that you’re not sorry!

  • http://twitter.com/rebecca_tracey Rebecca Tracey

    Amazing. I stopped saying sorry a long time ago and it’s an interesting way to live. I don’t take responsibility for things beyond my control. I don’t apologize for doing what’s best for me. And if I am truly sorry, I acknowledge it, and I find out what I can do to make it better, in a way that still honors ME. xo

  • Brenda Spandrio

    When I lived in my victim ‘hood, I would wake up saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” when my (now ex-) husband came into the bedroom at night. I was a wreck, just like my cluttered house. I was so scared of making mistakes I was paralyzed and made the biggest error of them all — I DID NOTHING! Fast forward to now, my (new for the last 16 years) husband taught me to embrace risk, not to fear it; that so-called mistakes are simply learning opportunities. It’s been awesome to be PROactive rather than reactive!

  • Juniemoon

    amazing what happens when we remember to stand up for ourselves :~)  thanks for standing up and shouting it out :~)  so… did you leave everything else at Trader Joes and just buy the chocolate covered chips ?

  • http://melanieo.com Melanie

    I love to hear you speak. Thanks for posting this. I’m not sorry I took time out of my night to watch it.

  • http://twitter.com/tenaciousleigh Leigh

    Watched this video Saturday morning from the comfort of bed with a breeze blowing in the windows and sun warming my bedroom. Followed it with Colleen Wainwright’s Are You Sure It’s Impossible. Sat here with goosebumps of recognition and a fire in my belly. I’m not sorry. Wow. I’m not sorry to want what I want.

    In celebration, a list of things I want (like, really, really, want):
    I want partnership – romance, intimacy, love & laughter. I want Push Pull to succeed. I want
    Push Pull Cambodia to employ 200 artisans & sell products worldwide. Then, I want to expand Push Pull to other countries. I want to speak at Tedx Phnom Penh. I want to feel beautiful, always. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel healthy.

    I want all of those things and I’m not sorry. Nope, not even a little.

  • http://twitter.com/Bahiehk Bahieh

    I’m sorry many women feel like they constantly feel like they need to apologize for their choices, their words, their very being.

    I am SO NOT sorry that I am carving life for myself far away from friends and family. Because I know it is the right thing to do. I am so not sorry it is hard,. Because I know I have every.thing in me to overcome the hardships that may come my way. 

    I am allergic to the words “I am sorry”. I always tell me my friends being sorry is a waste of time!!

    And you, by the way are just magnetic on stage. More, more, more!!


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  • Jeanette

    Thank you so much, Dyana! I loved your TED-talk! In Sweden we are also always sorry.

  • http://www.kristinnoelle.com/ Kristin Noelle

    Thank you for this, Dyana. And for being so very you. 🙂 Big love!

  • http://twitter.com/bnhanson Brit Hanson

    2011 was big. I.cannot.even.write.how.big.it.was.

    The short of it in the words of Mary Oliver: “I do not have to be good” and I am not sorry about that. After 2011, I don’t have that kind of time.

    What I know now: 2012 will be even bigger.

  • http://twitter.com/TeriLaughs Teri Kinne

    Loved it! Thanks!

  • natashia_j

    In the sentiment of fellow Canuck Heather, yes, we are land of sorry. Am willing to be your “I’m Not Sorry” champion on this side of the border!

    BTW – Love your spirit, energy, and gotta say, the HAIR! 🙂 Keep being an amazing teacher, and don’t tone a THING down!!!

    In Love and Light, 


  • Nancy

    I’m so tired of saying sorry. I’m not sorry. I am an open soul, I speak the truth and I instigate constantly. I’m not going to say sorry for who I am anymore.

  • Aly Miller

    This is truly serendipitous!!
    I work at Trader Joe’s. I am constantly trying to be an excellent employee by making customers happy. But Trader Joe’s is always crowded! ALWAYS! In order to not offend the customers, I am constantly saying “I’m sorry” when I cut in front of them to re-stock the shelves. I APOLOGIZE for being good at my job. And here’s what I put together after watching this video:
    – I’m not getting in the customer’s way, I’m getting in my own way!! My apologies are manifestations of fear.
    – If I succeed at being a great employee, I will not know what to strive for next. I might just realize that I don’t even want to be at this job.

    I’m NOT sorry for wanting to become something more.

    Thank you!!
    p.s. those chocolate covered potato chips are the BEST.

  • dyanavalentine

    Nicole:: you are beautiful and I’m so glad you are on the planet. YOU ARE. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for using my work in such gorgeous ways. I am not sorry I know you.

  • dyanavalentine

    WHooohooo!! I love that this found you, Aly. Thank you for taking the time to use my work for good. I love the idea of you saying:: I’d love to make it easier for you to have what you need (in your head or out loud) instead of ‘sorry’ when stocking. THAT would be so hot. You are great. And you already are MORE than you thought. I’m 100% on your side. Let me know how the story unfolds.

  • dyanavalentine

    Nancy:: I want to know how you feel now–a year later. Staying strong, open and instigating goodness? Dy

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