I am/not confused.

August 15, 2012

in DIY, Say What You Mean, SuperConditions

[Be aware: I curse a little in this post.]

I am/was so confused. Late last year, I had three things rocking simultaneously:

  1. I knew there was more on the planet for me to do than what I as doing, but had no idea WHAT.
  2. I had seriously fucked up two projects and one relationship and really couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong–but I knew I felt WRONG.
  3. AND, I was doing a bunch of stuff well. Many of you fine folks seemed to be enjoying my work and I was doing better than “paying the bills”.

Can you relate to this Fine/Fucked Up/Fabulous combo? It’s confusing, right? You feel like you’re doing ok, screwing things up and being a genius all at once, but you don’t know how to snap the mediocrity, prevent the screw ups and do more of the genius work.

SO, I freaked out (my version is watching several hours of hulu.com (thanks for being my pusher, Colleen), cutting out all optional social engagements, letting email pile up beyond all repair and eating ice cream). I asked for help. I got it and didn’t find it soothing or helpful. I freaked out some more to the tune of deciding I could just stop EVERYTHING for six weeks straight. THIS was the turning point.

Once I gave myself permission to a full stop, something happened. I woke up the next morning and had a massive realization. I had NO IDEA WHY I was doing what I was doing. I could not explain why I was teaching. I strained myself to mental hemorrhoid trying to explain to my friend Luke WHY I love speaking so much. I could not articulate why I ran my own business (versus having a j.o.b.). It suddenly made perfect sense that I was confused, frustrated and didn’t know why WHAT I was doing on the planet wasn’t satisfying, working particularly well or easy to describe.

I devoted myself to answering these why questions for myself AND had a massive epiphany while working with a brilliant client. I realized:

If we don’t know our why, then what we do is basically irrelevant.


In the seven months since that epiphany, I have developed a process of inquiry called SuperConditions for Greatness. It’s a model that helped me build a better blueprint for my own purpose on the planet and has helped several hundred other folks as well. I’m not going to go into the whole SuperConditions model in this post, but I’m going to give you a bit of an introduction. I’ll keep writing about the work if it seems interesting to you. Let me know.

Try this on. Here’s an 8-minute intro to SuperConditions for Greatness–listen to it here:

Or download the audio here.

For you visual learners, David Michael Moore, @retweetartist created this badassed visual narrative (yes, he can do it for your work, too) describing my SuperConditions for Greatness model. Play with it and let me know how it works.

Want more? Head over here and listen to a 90-minute call describing what SuperConditions for Greatness are and how to use them to clarify your purpose and design your business for great(er)ness. I talk about my SuperConditions and work live with a fantastic group of folks.

I am excited to hear your questions, ideas and what you think your SuperConditions are in the comments. Speak up. Be great(er).

P.S. my purpose IS clear to me now–I’m here to inform your leadership by helping you educate your intuition. I still screw stuff up, but now I know WHY and can recover much faster. Oh, and I am using my greatest why to do good whats and I’m doing it just how I like to do it. SO, YAY!


And because greatness is worth sharing, copy and paste these social media updates and spread the word:

if you don’t know why, then what you do is irrelevant. http://bit.ly/notconfused #superconditions @dyanavalentine

use your good to do great. @dyanavalentine #superconditions http://bit.ly/notconfused

existential angst+massive mistakes+the comfort of genius @dyanavalentine http://bit.ly/notconfused #superconditions


THANK YOU, everyone, for reading, for showing up for yourself and for being great(er).

  • Lee

    Have you been peeking at my life? This is so effing relevent to where I am now, and is probably just what I need to hear. Will listen after dinner. THANK YOU 🙂

  • Dyana Valentine

     happy to be of service, Lee. please circle back and let me know how you progress.

  • Pingback: What Are You Willing to Give? « Radiant Soul Space()

  • Otiti Jasmine

    Hi, everyone! This post inspired me to write one of my own and Dyana asked if I could link to it here in the comments. Well, who am I to refuse the oracle herself, eh? 😉 So here it is and I trust it’ll spark something for you too.

    Dyana, thank you again for speaking to my heart and asking me to share my words here. You ROCK!http://otitijasmine.com/2012/08/19/what-are-you-willing-to-give/ 

  • Sbutler

    Pure greatness!  I’ve had some significant life changes over the past two years and I realize that I don’t fully understand my why.  This is exactly why I can’t clearly see some of the paths I talk.  I SO need to clarify my why.  Thank you Dyana – you have sparked a fire in me!

  • dyanavalentine

    thank you, Sheila! I am so happy when there’s fire in the mix–use it for good. Clarity lives in the land of Why. If you simply put your 3-year-old brain on for the next two days and ask yourself why, at every corner. See what comes up and let me know.

  • http://www.execumama.com/ Execumama

    Hmm…how can I explain this…?  The feelings you conjured up for me through this post had my mind doing the equivalent of a sprint down a church isle, hootin’, hollerin’, flailing my arms about, and saying thank you in several unrecognizable languages.  I JUST put out an APB via Twitter today to check in with Self more often, and I think your statement about knowing your “Why” is right in that same vein. And the power of a FULL STOP is unrivaled, I tell you!!!

    DyVa, thanks for spittin’ that good-good, as usual!!! 

  • http://twitter.com/selfhelphipster Lianne

    Hi Dyana, I am now looking through your blog too and this post is so good. That confusion, I relate to that so much: Some things are going great, others are just fine and some are just messed up and I went wrong there. (Plus, mental hemorrhoid is my first lol of the morning, so yay for getting that started). Keep it up!  

  • dyanavalentine

     my pleasure to be of service, Lianne. please do circle back and let me know how those “just fines” and “just messed up” things are going. sending good vibes!

Previous post:

Next post: