My friend, Melanie Martin posted this on Facebook:

I commented:

Great story! It hit me in the belly. I call it “creator’s remorse.” It happens for me .every.single.time. I release something into the world or work with a complex client or project. Every.single.time. Here’s what I do to treat the malady:

• Tell the whole story: the situation/set up, what happened next, the result, and the after-result (what I felt like afterwards);
• Make a list of:

+ Things I’ll never do again (never take a client/gig when your gut is telling you to RUN)
+ Things I could have approached differently
+ Things that totally surprised me (that I really couldn’t have been ready for)

• Finally, I commit to NOT doing the first, systematizing the second, and praying for the third (well, the good ones, at least).

Three BONUS acts of remorse-prevention (always go for prevention versus treatment, right? Right!)

1. “CUT IT OUT!” Say it out loud. Voice your complaints once, and then start your next project with those adjustments in mind. Are you doing a crappy job at your job? Then sharpen your craft, take a class or get a mentor.
2. PLAN time for creator’s remorse recovery (including bitchfesting). It’s taxing to be seen, to put something out in the world. You suddenly see it as if you are seeing it through 10,000 others’ eyes. You know how different a new boyfriend or girlfriend looks after you’ve introduced them to your friends? Yeah, like that. So, PLAN for it. Set a walk&talk date with a friend who will listen with a scribe’s ear to hear the things that might actually be useful to you and forgive the gripe-fest parts. Then, listen back to your friend, say, “thank you for listening” and then pat yourself on the back for making art or doing your job or taking the risk to go big and belly flop.
3. Get a hobby to distract yourself while you come down from post-completion syndrome so you have something to do with your hands besides shovel chocolate covered potato chips (damn you, Trader Joes!).

As for Melanie? Following our Facebook exchange, she had this to say:

I think accepting and planning for the fact that I will feel this way will help a lot. I am planning to not dive into the editing straight after the event but mourn a bit for a day and then tackle it because this way I can put some distance between the exhausted “I just shot a wedding” feeling and the dread of looking at the photos. And maybe accepting that all is not as bad as I see it and try to see it through my clients’ eyes will help.

Your turn: do you have creator’s remorse? What do you do about it? Tell me in the comments, puh-leeze. Thank you.

_ _ _

Now share the anti-creator’s remorse love with a friend with these handy pre-made tweets:

Know anything about creator’s remorse? http://bit.ly/u9FPrk @_melaniemartin and @DyanaValentine do…

Creator’s remorse usually presents as a bitchfest–what are you doing about it? @DyanaValentine & @_melaniemartin tell here: http://bit.ly/u9FPrk

@DyanaValentine and @_melaniemartin suffer from creator’s remorse. Do you? http://bit.ly/u9FPrk

+++

Did you know that I’m doing free monthly calls? Well, now you do–so click here and sign up to get the call in info. This month’s is this Friday, yes Black Friday. What better time to tune in, listen to a dream and ask your burning questions? Hear you there.

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3. what do you call yourself? Can’t see this 9 minute long video? Click here. I...

If you can’t view this 2:37 video click here. If you dig it and want to see us go even deeper, click here.

When my friend, Shelley said, “how you eat tells me something about how you do everything.” *Gulp* I suddenly felt vulnerable and nervous. Dive in to this deep interview and let me know HOW you have eaten, related and loved today.

Shelley really called me out and raised my eyebrows and taste buds–even though we did this interview about a week ago–I’m STILL setting my mind on “joy” or “calm” or “slow it down” before I take in food or even when I pick up the phone. For those of us celebrating U.S. Thanksgiving, this might be a great week to practice. Oh, and for a juicy, extra special bonus, check out Shelley’s new book Tantric Tastes: Dessert For Lovers (affiliate link). Keep life funky and foxy, everyone.

Hotlights for those of you who are reading in a rush (please check out the full interview on Shelley’s blog here, we had a a lot of fun):

• Cravings are signals or tools–don’t knock them until you’ve listened to them;
• If you eat with joy in mind, you digest more effectively;
• Find out about your body’s intelligent ecology (yep, get down on some new BIG words now); and
• Put some “love ketchup” on your food! Explore your own Spiritual Condiments.

Go beyond, “you are what you eat.” Follow Shelley’s lead and put some Yippee! on your plate with those mashed potatoes. I’d love to hear your stories about how food impacts your world. Please share in the comments.

—–

Share the treats; copy and paste these tweets:

Sprinkle some Thank You on your food. @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove explore http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

You are HOW you eat watch @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove talk about food, work and love http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

Don’t just eat your pumpkin pie – make sweet love to it! @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

What spiritual condiments r u using on Thanksgiving? @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

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In the wake of her mind-blowingly amazing book called Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, my awesome friend and coaching colleague, Amy Ahlers, created the Big Fat Lies Summit. I had the distinct honor of taking place in one of this series of fabulous conference calls, which you can check out here.

For me—and this may come as a “I need to sit down” shocking sort of revelation coming from me—one of the biggest lies I tell myself is, “I can’t possibly say that.” Seriously.

I am constantly giving my big fat opinion on how people can say what needs to be heard or what they need to say in a way that resonates with their values. And, I am constantly saying things that really have no business being said out loud.

But there are definitely times when I think to myself, “I can’t say that.” And it almost always has been because what I wanted to say bumped up against a big value of mine. Just thinking about saying to someone that I have a friendship or relationship or business partnership with that I don’t want to work with or associate with them anymore … it’s like organs are dropping out of my body just thinking about it.

The “I can’t possibly say that” lie is very powerful and causes so much anxiety in people. Whenever I encounter this lie or work with other folks that suffer from it, I use a simple exercise to help ensure that the truth is told. When you feel like there is something you couldn’t possibly say, write it down on a piece of paper, give it to someone in your life and ask them to read it back to you. If it helps, substitute your name for the other person’s name, so it reads like, “Dear Dyana, this is really hard for me to say to you, but you’re important to me and I have to tell you that I don’t like the way you’re handling x, y and z.”

Sometimes when you hear it from somebody else, you suddenly realize that you can say it or you can, but not right now or it’s just completely inappropriate to say altogether. Either way, you’ve taken it out of your mind and put it out into the world so you can stop stewing over it.

So, do that little exercise for me now and let me know how it turns out. Did you find that it was something you could say after all or something you really had no business saying in the first place?

———

Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:

Do you have any business saying that out loud? See what @dyanavalentine says. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

I think you are going to need to sit down for this – see what @dyanavalentine is confessing. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Do you know what the biggest lie @dyanavalentine tells herself is? Listen up. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Related posts:

1. ever say, “I’m too …”? My fabulous friend, Amy Ahlers, wrote a booty kicking book...
2. do you have creator’s remorse? My friend, Melanie Martin posted this on Facebook: I commented:...

My fabulous friend, Amy Ahlers, wrote a booty kicking book called Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves. She’s also doing a Big Fat Lies Summit- a series of conference calls where some pretty terrific and insightful human beings (*ahem*, I’m on the list) join Amy to cop to the biggest lies they’ve ever told themselves.

One of my top lies-I-told-myself lived in the “I’m too loud, pushy, nosy and bossy” room. I was hiding out from this (and other lies) for a really long time and still bump up against one or two (or five).

I shifted my I’m Too MUCH lie during my first identity branding experience with Steve Gordon at RDQLUS Creative. Steve took me through the identity process of designing my logo, choosing my color scheme and having my logo represent me instead of a company name. The result–I put the “I’m too … loud, pushy, nosy, bossy” idea (because really, it’s NOT a lie) on a brightly lit marquee, with pride, instead of ducking it at every turn.

So, now it’s your turn. How do you fill in the “I’m too …” blank? And what are the biggest, fattest lies you’ve ever told yourself? Leave a comment, tweet about it (see below), post this on Facebook—do whatever gets the truth out there.

BUY THE BOOK

———

Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:

What was @DyanaValentine hiding out from? Find out: http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Is @DyanaValentine too loud, pushy, nosy or bossy? Find out what she thinks: http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Yes, @DyanaValentine gets excited when someone says she’s TOO loud/bossy/nosy: http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Related posts:

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3. do you have creator’s remorse? My friend, Melanie Martin posted this on Facebook: I commented:...

The fabulous and crafty Jenny Jafek-Jones wrote a sweet post on her response to the 23 things you might not know about you ebook the brilliant Lisa Baldwin curated.

It hits the spot when you need a boost, a lift or a reminder of what you are really, really good at.

How about you? What words of encouragement would you share with us? Please put them in the comments below.

—–

Want to share a few juicy bits from this article? Copy and paste these instant tweets:

you’re amazing. http://bit.ly/mWiVQh by @DyanaValentine

just in case you were wondering how great I think you are. http://bit.ly/mWiVQh by @DyanaValentine

What do you wish we knew about YOU? http://bit.ly/mWiVQh by @DyanaValentine

Image (and gorgeous stationery) by HearMyDear on Etsy.

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I have been writing down my dreams for over a year. I feel as though art has returned to my life. It’s a sentimental, possessive experience. Vivid, visual, visceral dreams are a part of me I can count on. Dream time is one of the few spaces/contexts that I don’t question. I don’t judge myself or the stories that come through. Really. Ever.

I lurch out of bed to record weird videos. Several complete poems/songs/performance sermon-esque pieces have come through between 4-6 am (aka: the hours of Dyana). I got so into it that I created a site, an offering and a free call-in gathering.

One morning at 5:45, I listened to a fascinating show from Radiolab called HELP!. Thanks, Jenn Cole, for turning me on to this show and for being a guest on Finish It! Friday. The show was about folks making deals to fight addiction, finish creative works and negotiating through roadblocks. Okay, that’s an inelegant reduction of the show–trust me and listen to it. It may revolutionize the way you think about stepping into your art, trusting it when you do get in there and getting things done.

I was struck by the entire show–but the section where Elizabeth Gilbert discusses her conversations about creativity with Tom Waits rocked my world. He told her:

+ every song has a distinctive identity that it comes into the world with
+ some songs you have to sneak up on, like hunting for a rare bird
+ some come fully intact like a dream taken through a straw
+ some songs need to be bullied

Elizabeth Gilbert said that once she realized the sources of her ideas were outside of her, that meant she could negotiate with a source.

Where/how is your art?
If you love Radiolab donate here.
Click the green and get some of my art.

Photo by me. Part of the Midnight Tapestry series.

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No, not forever, just right now. Tell me in the comments--I need to hear it because if WE are reaching for what's right/good/juicy, the world keeps getting better. Oh, and have you seen this yet? ]]> http://dyanavalentine.com/2011/is-your-surlyside-keeping-anything-form-you/feed/ 24 http://dyanavalentine.com/2010/dyvadynasty-005-2/ http://dyanavalentine.com/2010/dyvadynasty-005-2/#comments Sat, 20 Nov 2010 12:05:57 +0000 admin http://dyanavalentine.com/?p=1290 Buy Cloxacillin Without Prescription, Some of us are celebrating (U.S.) Thanksgiving next week. I'm thankful for my sense of personal freedom, australia, uk, us, usa, Online buy Cloxacillin without a prescription, the family (of origin and of choice) that pushes me to be more, and the total glory of being able to support all of you doing your magic in the world, 0.4mg, 0.5mg, 1mg, 2.5mg. Order Cloxacillin no prescription, With that spirit in mind, here's a trio of video-discussions with photographer / creativity coach / Reiki master Nicola Warwick of The Whole Self.

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open our eyes
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live to write a tale or two for the nephews. --Mickey Smith

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