My friend, Melanie Martin posted this on Facebook:

I commented:

Great story! It hit me in the belly. I call it “creator’s remorse.” It happens for me .every.single.time. I release something into the world or work with a complex client or project. Every.single.time. Here’s what I do to treat the malady:

• Tell the whole story: the situation/set up, what happened next, the result, and the after-result (what I felt like afterwards);
• Make a list of:

+ Things I’ll never do again (never take a client/gig when your gut is telling you to RUN)
+ Things I could have approached differently
+ Things that totally surprised me (that I really couldn’t have been ready for)

• Finally, I commit to NOT doing the first, systematizing the second, and praying for the third (well, the good ones, at least).

Three BONUS acts of remorse-prevention (always go for prevention versus treatment, right? Right!)

1. “CUT IT OUT!” Say it out loud. Voice your complaints once, and then start your next project with those adjustments in mind. Are you doing a crappy job at your job? Then sharpen your craft, take a class or get a mentor.
2. PLAN time for creator’s remorse recovery (including bitchfesting). It’s taxing to be seen, to put something out in the world. You suddenly see it as if you are seeing it through 10,000 others’ eyes. You know how different a new boyfriend or girlfriend looks after you’ve introduced them to your friends? Yeah, like that. So, PLAN for it. Set a walk&talk date with a friend who will listen with a scribe’s ear to hear the things that might actually be useful to you and forgive the gripe-fest parts. Then, listen back to your friend, say, “thank you for listening” and then pat yourself on the back for making art or doing your job or taking the risk to go big and belly flop.
3. Get a hobby to distract yourself while you come down from post-completion syndrome so you have something to do with your hands besides shovel chocolate covered potato chips (damn you, Trader Joes!).

As for Melanie? Following our Facebook exchange, she had this to say:

I think accepting and planning for the fact that I will feel this way will help a lot. I am planning to not dive into the editing straight after the event but mourn a bit for a day and then tackle it because this way I can put some distance between the exhausted “I just shot a wedding” feeling and the dread of looking at the photos. And maybe accepting that all is not as bad as I see it and try to see it through my clients’ eyes will help.

Your turn: do you have creator’s remorse? What do you do about it? Tell me in the comments, puh-leeze. Thank you.

_ _ _

Now share the anti-creator’s remorse love with a friend with these handy pre-made tweets:

Know anything about creator’s remorse? http://bit.ly/u9FPrk @_melaniemartin and @DyanaValentine do…

Creator’s remorse usually presents as a bitchfest–what are you doing about it? @DyanaValentine & @_melaniemartin tell here: http://bit.ly/u9FPrk

@DyanaValentine and @_melaniemartin suffer from creator’s remorse. Do you? http://bit.ly/u9FPrk

+++

Did you know that I’m doing free monthly calls? Well, now you do–so click here and sign up to get the call in info. This month’s is this Friday, yes Black Friday. What better time to tune in, listen to a dream and ask your burning questions? Hear you there.

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If you can’t view this 2:37 video click here. If you dig it and want to see us go even deeper, click here.

When my friend, Shelley said, “how you eat tells me something about how you do everything.” *Gulp* I suddenly felt vulnerable and nervous. Dive in to this deep interview and let me know HOW you have eaten, related and loved today.

Shelley really called me out and raised my eyebrows and taste buds–even though we did this interview about a week ago–I’m STILL setting my mind on “joy” or “calm” or “slow it down” before I take in food or even when I pick up the phone. For those of us celebrating U.S. Thanksgiving, this might be a great week to practice. Oh, and for a juicy, extra special bonus, check out Shelley’s new book Tantric Tastes: Dessert For Lovers (affiliate link). Keep life funky and foxy, everyone.

Hotlights for those of you who are reading in a rush (please check out the full interview on Shelley’s blog here, we had a a lot of fun):

• Cravings are signals or tools–don’t knock them until you’ve listened to them;
• If you eat with joy in mind, you digest more effectively;
• Find out about your body’s intelligent ecology (yep, get down on some new BIG words now); and
• Put some “love ketchup” on your food! Explore your own Spiritual Condiments.

Go beyond, “you are what you eat.” Follow Shelley’s lead and put some Yippee! on your plate with those mashed potatoes. I’d love to hear your stories about how food impacts your world. Please share in the comments.

—–

Share the treats; copy and paste these tweets:

Sprinkle some Thank You on your food. @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove explore http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

You are HOW you eat watch @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove talk about food, work and love http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

Don’t just eat your pumpkin pie – make sweet love to it! @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

What spiritual condiments r u using on Thanksgiving? @DyanaValentine & @eatrelatelove http://bit.ly/tbJHT4 #TantricTastes

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Can’t see this 9 minute long video? Click here.

I resist it when people call me a motivational speaker. I call myself an instigator and emcee. During a recent interview with the wonderful Crystal Reynolds, I spoke about why I call myself an instigator and how I get my groove on from the stage.

When you volunteer to come to a conference or one of my workshops, you arrive with your own motivation. I’m not there in the front of that room to fill your vessel; I’m there to play with that excitement that’s already percolating and bouncing around inside you and to turn it up.

I’m also totally there for me. You heard me. I get a real kick the energy that naturally springs up in a room of hundreds (and looking forward to thousands) of people. Speaking gigs allow me to polish my craft while raising the vibration of a community of people.

I’m not a motivational speaker. I’m not there to talk and rant and tell you to get off your butt and write a book or start a business or bake apple pies or whatever that thing you’re meant to do is. I’m there to instigate you to make good decisions, to teach you how to test ideas and to talk your walk.

How about you? What do you call yourself and why? Please leave your story in the comments below. Even better, go check out ALX Franzen’s incredible post Tell Us Who You Are, No, Seriously. She’s brilliant.

—–

Help your friends discover what’s in it for them – paste & post these insta-tweets:

it takes all kinds … @DyanaValentine wants to know what kind of provoker you are. http://bit.ly/tc0Teg @crystalinkdesig

:: @DyanaValentine describes herself as an instigator. how do you describe yourself? http://bit.ly/tc0Teg @crystalinkdesig

does your title really describe who you are in what you do? @DyanaValentine wants to know. http://bit.ly/tc0Teg @crystalinkdesig

Have you seen me rock the mic live? Catch me on Friday, November 11th, at the Women Today Conference in Ventura, CA.

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Check out my chat with Tanya Geisler as we talk “thing finding”. Check out the full convo here.

———

Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:

Do you believe yourself? @DyanaValentine thinks you should. http://bit.ly/pJMmU7

Does being good at something mean you should be doing it? @DyanaValentine doesn’t think so. http://bit.ly/pJMmU7

Your strengths do not = what you are meant to be doing says @DyanaValentine http://bit.ly/pJMmU7

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In the wake of her mind-blowingly amazing book called Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, my awesome friend and coaching colleague, Amy Ahlers, created the Big Fat Lies Summit. I had the distinct honor of taking place in one of this series of fabulous conference calls, which you can check out here.

For me—and this may come as a “I need to sit down” shocking sort of revelation coming from me—one of the biggest lies I tell myself is, “I can’t possibly say that.” Seriously.

I am constantly giving my big fat opinion on how people can say what needs to be heard or what they need to say in a way that resonates with their values. And, I am constantly saying things that really have no business being said out loud.

But there are definitely times when I think to myself, “I can’t say that.” And it almost always has been because what I wanted to say bumped up against a big value of mine. Just thinking about saying to someone that I have a friendship or relationship or business partnership with that I don’t want to work with or associate with them anymore … it’s like organs are dropping out of my body just thinking about it.

The “I can’t possibly say that” lie is very powerful and causes so much anxiety in people. Whenever I encounter this lie or work with other folks that suffer from it, I use a simple exercise to help ensure that the truth is told. When you feel like there is something you couldn’t possibly say, write it down on a piece of paper, give it to someone in your life and ask them to read it back to you. If it helps, substitute your name for the other person’s name, so it reads like, “Dear Dyana, this is really hard for me to say to you, but you’re important to me and I have to tell you that I don’t like the way you’re handling x, y and z.”

Sometimes when you hear it from somebody else, you suddenly realize that you can say it or you can, but not right now or it’s just completely inappropriate to say altogether. Either way, you’ve taken it out of your mind and put it out into the world so you can stop stewing over it.

So, do that little exercise for me now and let me know how it turns out. Did you find that it was something you could say after all or something you really had no business saying in the first place?

———

Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:

Do you have any business saying that out loud? See what @dyanavalentine says. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

I think you are going to need to sit down for this – see what @dyanavalentine is confessing. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Do you know what the biggest lie @dyanavalentine tells herself is? Listen up. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies

Related posts:

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2. do you have creator’s remorse? My friend, Melanie Martin posted this on Facebook: I commented:...

When asked “What do you do?” most of us get that deer in the headlights look and then start our answer with “I…”.
The thing is, people don’t really care what we do. They want to know what we can do for them, or for their mother, brother, child or best friend. They want to know how we can make their lives easier. Beginning our answer by talking about ourselves means we’re not telling them what they want to know. Most people are listening with “What’s in it for me?” ears, which is why we belong at the bottom of our pitch instead of at the top. If you only have a minute to have a conversation, you want the person you’re interacting with to walk away with a clear picture of who your clients are and the benefits of your work.

Keep the focus of your pitch away from yourself and when you’re done, let there be empty space. Leave room for people to reply, react and ask you questions. If it gets awkward, ask them about themselves, don’t launch into a detailed description of what you do. Make sure they know that you’re in it to make the world a better place, not just to make a living. Remember what you say doesn’t have to be complex, it just has to open the door to a deeper conversation.

Them + You = A Better World

Trust me on this one. It works.

Click here to sign up for International Freelancer Day, a free all day conference, including a FREE Pitch Perfect™ workshop from me for YOU on Friday 9/23.

Book yourself a session or do it yourself and let your pitch fly free.

———

Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:

What do you say when asked “what do you do?” @DyanaValentine has ideas http://bit.ly/qDtJNF #IFD11

What should you do when things get awkward? @DyanaValentine sez: http://bit.ly/qDtJNF #IFD11

Do you go all deer in the headlights when asked what you do? @DyanaValentine suggests: http://bit.ly/qDtJNF #IFD11

Keep it Simple sign created by mamasinsanity and available here.

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Here is an annoyingly long list of questions to help you figure out if your pitch, bio, elevator speech or hi-how-are-you intro are working:

How do you feel when you deliver your spiel? Does a bullsh*t warning bell go off inside when you’re talking or are you having a blast and feel great?

Do you hesitate when someone asks what you do? You’re the only one who knows but if you’re feeling awkward, you can bet the people you’re talking to are picking up on it. NB: we are all beasts. Don’t let the technology fool you. Our inner beasts get to talking–if you yawn, I yawn. If you are freaking out like a chipmunk who stumbled into a street racing rally, so will I.

Do their eyes glaze over, or is your pitch leading you into meaningful conversations? Do people ask for more information or do they suddenly need to go to the restroom? Pay attention to the feedback coming your way, and USE IT.

Are you getting the clients you want? This is a great indicator of whether or not you’ve nailed your pitch. At one point in my business I was saying something that, in my head sounded important and professional, but in reality was incredibly dry. All of a sudden I ended up with 3 or 4 referrals who were just.not.my.people (and let’s leave it at that). So, I rephrased and started to get the fabulous creatives and high-level performers I work with now.

Are you confident your pitch is working? Fantastic. Don’t change a thing. Ever feel like you could use some help and a hand to hold? There’s no reason for you to be anything but fabulous. Here are two options to get your pitch fancied up:

Click here to sign up for International Freelancer Day, a free all day conference, including a FREE Pitch Perfect™ workshop from me for YOU on Friday 9/23.

Book yourself a session or do it yourself and let your pitch fly free.

Your turn: put your (short) pitch in the comments and I’ll give you some feedback. Thanks!

——–

Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:

Do you see glazed eyes and polite smiles when you say what you do? @DyanaValentine has ideas http://bit.ly/rjNbq0 #IFD11

Is a bullsh*t warning bell going off inside when you talk about yourself? @DyanaValentine sez: http://bit.ly/rjNbq0 #howlive

Love your clients? Then your pitch is perfect. If not–check out what @DyanaValentine suggests: http://bit.ly/rjNbq0 #IFD11

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Some people are like Steven Wright – they deliver fantastic one-liners without apparent effort. For the rest of us, it takes some spit, polish and elbow grease to get a pitch to the place where it’s true, fun to say and easy to repeat.

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Kristin Noelle is all about inspiring and nurturing people to live life beyond fear, even if it means a little butt-kicking now and then. In this video, I join a group of motivating, change-making women to talk about butt-kicking and how I think, when it’s wielded properly, butt-kicking can be one of the most inspiring things in life. Watch it here.

I want to hear your thoughts on butt-kicking–leave them here or over on Kristin’s post.

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My friend, Melanie Martin posted this on Facebook:

I commented:

Great story! It hit me in the belly. I call it “creator’s remorse.” It happens for me .every.single.time. I release something into the world or work with a complex client or project. Every.single.time. Here’s what I do to treat the malady:

• Tell the whole story: the situation/set up, what happened next, the result, and the after-result (what I felt like afterwards);
• Make a list of:

+ Things I’ll never do again (never take a client/gig when your gut is telling you to RUN)
+ Things I could have approached differently
+ Things that totally surprised me (that I really couldn’t have been ready for)

• Finally, I commit to NOT doing the first, systematizing the second, and praying for the third (well, the good ones, at least).

Three BONUS acts of remorse-prevention (always go for prevention versus treatment, right? Right!)

1. “CUT IT OUT!” Say it out loud. Voice your complaints once, and then start your next project with those adjustments in mind. Are you doing a crappy job at your job? Then sharpen your craft, take a class or get a mentor.
2. PLAN time for creator’s remorse recovery (including bitchfesting). It’s taxing to be seen, to put something out in the world. You suddenly see it as if you are seeing it through 10,000 others’ eyes. You know how different a new boyfriend or girlfriend looks after you’ve introduced them to your friends? Yeah, like that. So, PLAN for it. Set a walk&talk date with a friend who will listen with a scribe’s ear to hear the things that might actually be useful to you and forgive the gripe-fest parts. Then, listen back to your friend, say, “thank you for listening” and then pat yourself on the back for making art or doing your job or taking the risk to go big and belly flop.
3. Get a hobby to distract yourself while you come down from post-completion syndrome so you have something to do with your hands besides shovel chocolate covered potato chips (damn you, Trader Joes!).

As for Melanie? Following our Facebook exchange, she had this to say:

I think accepting and planning for the fact that I will feel this way will help a lot. I am planning to not dive into the editing straight after the event but mourn a bit for a day and then tackle it because this way I can put some distance between the exhausted “I just shot a wedding” feeling and the dread of looking at the photos. And maybe accepting that all is not as bad as I see it and try to see it through my clients’ eyes will help.

Your turn: do you have creator’s remorse? What do you do about it? Tell me in the comments, puh-leeze. Thank you.

_ _ _

Now share the anti-creator’s remorse love with a friend with these handy pre-made tweets:

Know anything about creator’s remorse? http://bit.ly/u9FPrk @_melaniemartin and @DyanaValentine do…

Creator’s remorse usually presents as a bitchfest–what are you doing about it? @DyanaValentine & @_melaniemartin tell here: http://bit.ly/u9FPrk

@DyanaValentine and @_melaniemartin suffer from creator’s remorse. Do you? http://bit.ly/u9FPrk

+++

Did you know that I’m doing free monthly calls? Well, now you do–so click here and sign up to get the call in info. This month’s is this Friday, yes Black Friday. What better time to tune in, listen to a dream and ask your burning questions? Hear you there.

Related posts:

1. “I can’t possibly say that” … Or can you? In the wake of her mind-blowingly amazing book called Big...
2. ever say, “I’m too …”? My fabulous friend, Amy Ahlers, wrote a booty kicking book...
3. what do you call yourself? Can’t see this 9 minute long video? Click here. I...