Dyana Valentine » Workshops

No-gotiation

admin — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 15:49:15 +0000

Someone invites you to work with them on a project–your (insert your spasm-struck body part here) chest tightens for a split second. If you are really smooth, you say, “Thank you, I’ll think about it.” I’m not smooth, so I (sometimes and working on rarely) say, “I’m really excited for you, great idea! That sounds like fun!” And I really mean that–but it always sounds like more of a YES than I mean. Either way, smooth or enthusiastically coltish, we both find ourselves hemming and hawing over the decision. Depending on our situation, we might even feel that saying NO is akin to breaking the rules (great tutorial on breaking the rules at Jeffrey Tang’s blog). If you find yourself twirling around these thoughts:

Should I? It could be good. I don’t want to hurt their feelings. Maybe I’ll make a pro/con list? Well, it won’t kill me, maybe it will make me stronger? I feel so guilty about not wanting to do this!

then you have officially entered into NO-gotiations. We are really talking our way around to NO–even though we know that’s the only true answer. We might even end up saying YES–but the energy of the No is undeniable. We drag it around and (okay, I’m just speaking for me here) get resentful, do a crappy job or end up having to pull out of commitments, which makes us feel even worse than if we’d just gone with No in the first place!

No-gotiating faster and with aplomb:
Listen to your body–it usually knows before you do. Keep a single post it note (or memo in your phone) handy and write down how you physically feel every time someone asks you a yes/no question today. What did you notice?
Write a script down for yourself and USE IT when you talk to folks. I keep them simple (and YES, I do have to keep these on my wall in my office and practice them), and customize them when needed:

NO, thank you (pause 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am intrigued! I need more information. How much time, money, energy, blood sweat and tears are involved?
Wow, I’m really flattered. Thank you, no.
I am not available for that. (pause 2, 3, 4, 5)

UPDATE: 7pm. My friend, Bob Peterson contributed this via Facebook today. It’s called the NO SANDWICH METHOD.

“It’s cheesy (not literally like provolone or swiss) but highly effective. The “bread” is letting the asker know you understand what is being asked (1st piece) The second slice is why you are saying no. The “meat” is “NO.” Not ” I can’t” or some other variation. It’s simple, but powerful. Ex. Wanna smoke a bowl? The “sandwich”…. “Hey, I … know you wanna get with me, but NO, b/c it’s not my thing, I’m a student athlete and don’t wanna get kicked off the team, etc….Like I said cheesy/corny, but it really works.”

Ask a trusted friend to listen to you. What do they hear?
Pound the pavement and find your way to your natural no. Oprah has a great series of articles on saying no.

Danielle LaPorte kicks butt–and she knows how to say NO! We did really fun interview for her new digital experience, The Firestarter Sessions, and somehow landed on selfishness, porn, entrepreneurial spirit and NOT-doing-it. Yes, you have to buy the thing to see the video. Yes, it’s worth it and yes, I became an affiliate (I get some moolah if you buy it from my link). Click on the image below to find out the scoop.

Say YES to saying no;

Where are you no-gotiating today?

Photo by fotogail. Used with permission under a Creative Commons license.

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Twitterview with HOW Magazine: 9/3/09, 1130a, Pacific

admin — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 05:04:58 +0000

For all you twitterfiends–and design-o-philes:
drop on by www.twitter.com and play in the stream with me and Bryn Mooth, Editor in Chief of the brilliant HOW Magazine.

Bring a topic, be a voyeur, chikky check us out! We’ll be talking about next week’s inHOWse Conference, among other juicy things.

Tweet you there.
UPDATE, 9/3, 1240pm: check out the summary on the HOW Blog.

Pitch Perfect: How-To

admin — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:04:13 +0000

WOW! I was on a terrific show on blogtalkradio today! Colleen Rice Nelson has a show dedicated to supporting self-employed folks and she invited me to give a Pitch Perfect workshop today. Three wonderful volunteers, Walt, Melissa and Heather made the process fantastically interactive–we got so into it, we even had and after-show where other folks called in for one-on-one help! Download the show, listen in, subscribe to Colleen’s show if you want more great resources (if I do say so myself). If you are really game-on, then try out my handy-dandy worksheet.

I have tried blurb workshops, elevator speech how-tos online and found one that really works! Colleen Wainwright (yes, I have several Colleens in my life–and they are all keepers!) and I worked together and what came out of that process is Colleen’s great system for talking about a business or project. It boils down to three prompts:
Are you this person?
With this problem?
I can help, here’s how:

My adaptation of Colleen’s questions are:

What is one challenge your clients struggle with?
Describe one characteristic that makes you right for them?
What’s one product you offer or specific method you use to help them?

Fill in the blanks for yourself, your business or your product and you have the beginnings of a great pitch. Once you have answered the questions, then comes the creative part. Write a two-sentence summary of the answers and this is your draft pitch. Play around with it!

After I used Colleen’s process, I developed several pitches. BUT it didn’t stop there—I still really struggled with delivering my pitches and, for a while, nothing felt right. SO, I looked into WHAT REALLY WORKED for me, and in my style. I came up with these 6 principles for a Perfect Pitch as an add-on to Colleen’s excellent strategy:

Remember: if you focus on even ONE of the Perfect Pitch Principles, you WILL make progress!

1. Start where you are: be nice to yourself! It takes time to break into your pitch—look at it like a new pair of shoes. Wear your pitch around the house a bit before you take it on the road.

2. Lighten up! If you aren’t having fun doing what you’re doing—how can others hire you? A pitch doesn’t have to be deep or serious—it just has to be clear and easy to understand. Use other folks’ or your clients’ comments to spice it up.

3. Test it: practice your pitch with strangers or really candid friends and colleagues—select folks who ARE NOT your prospective clients—you won’t be as pressured to perfection AND they will be honest with you! If you ask friends, be sure to ask the ones who WILL tell you your butt looks fat in those jeans!

4. Focus on the OTHER: by starting with what problem you are here on earth to solve, it becomes about your potential clients, not about YOU. Remember, others are buying your product or service to help themselves.

5. Pitch & Pause: practice saying your pitch, quickly, if it’s your introduction, cut it down to 10 seconds or LESS, then WAIT. Allow the person you are talking to ask questions and react (remember: it’s about THEM!)

6. Commit to your pitch for a month: nothing is permanent, you have the pitch process now—it’s yours, you can always try a new one. Allow your pitch to settle in. Take notes on people’s responses. Did more people get confused by it than those who got what you were saying?

What’s your perfect pitch? Put it in the comments and get some feedback!

Pitch Perfect: LIVE! 7/17, 1p, Pacific

admin — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:37:18 +0000

Have you ever gone doe-in-the-headlights when someone asks, “what do you do?” We’ve all had that moment of GULP! when describing our business or a particular project. Well–here’s your chance to get your pitch perfected. Listen in Friday, 7/17, 1pm, Pacific and be a doe-no-more!

I’ll be a guest on Colleen Rice-Nelson’s blogtalk radio show (you have to set up an account quickly to participate–sign up and my workshop are free!)

I will be teaching listeners how to set up their perfect pitch–whether it’s a 30 second blurb or a longer pitch to a prospective client. My goal is to help folks get their point across clearly, succinctly and with their own personal style.

This will be an interactive session and several folks are going to volunteer to work on their pitch LIVE on the radio! Invite a friend and have fun!

Don’t have an hour to spare? Can’t make it? No problem, check out the 2:35 minute version or gimme a jingle and set up a free 30 minute session to polish your pitch or get your project rocking!

Comments? Tools you use to build a perfect pitch? Add ‘em in the comments below!

Photo by flyfshrmn98, used under a Creative Commons license.

How-To: Get a Project GOING!

admin — Wed, 27 May 2009 23:38:52 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Last week, I had the pleasure of recording a tele-seminar with Dallas Travers and her Thriving Artist Circle. Five brave volunteers completed a Project Assessment, detailing what project they were working on and what help they needed. We then worked with them to help them combine their personal strengths with their struggles to come up with unique project solutions to move them forward. This one hour recording gives you a great example of how I help self-starters learn to be self-finishers. Remember: if you focus on even ONE of the 5-steps to self-finishing, you WILL make progress!
1. Start where you are: be nice to yourself! Just because you aren’t an expert now, trust that you’ll get there.

2. Accept invitations: even unlikely ones.

3. Ask for feedback: be clear about what you need and when.

4. Focus on what DOES work: be positive and be brave enough to re-evaluate your goals.

5. Make a small decision and TRY it: nothing is permanent, you can always try something else.

6. GET ACCOUNTABLE: when you are in the moment of choosing to watch tv on hulu.com; call a friend and be SPECIFIC about what you are doing—endcap it with a call to report what you did accomplish. Here’s an Accountability Check In Sheet to help you start your own accountability process.

Dallas and I invite you to download and listen to the tele-seminar: Dallas Travers & Dyana Valentine: Finish What You Start! (you may wish to complete the Project Assessment first), and enjoy the process. Write your questions, suggestions and ideas in the comments. Let me know how I can help you finish what you start!

Pitch Perfect!

admin — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:09:29 +0000

Click here to view the embedded video.

Pitch Perfect: 3 Steps to your perfect pitch

Ever find yourself in a panic when someone asks, “What do you do?” Here are 3 easy steps to take to create a perfect pitch, elevator speech or blurb. Please make comments and let me know your ideas for creating a perfect pitch. Ideas in this video are adapted from a tool developed by Colleen Wainwright and used with permission. Find out more about how fabulous SHE is at communicatrix.com.