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In the wake of her mind-blowingly amazing book called Big Fat Lies Women Tell Themselves, my awesome friend and coaching colleague, Amy Ahlers, created the Big Fat Lies Summit. I had the distinct honor of taking place in one of this series of fabulous conference calls, which you can check out here.
For me—and this may come as a "I need to sit down" shocking sort of revelation coming from me—one of the biggest lies I tell myself is, "I can't possibly say that." Seriously.
I am constantly giving my big fat opinion on how people can say what needs to be heard or what they need to say in a way that resonates with their values. And, I am constantly saying things that really have no business being said out loud.
But there are definitely times when I think to myself, "I can't say that." And it almost always has been because what I wanted to say bumped up against a big value of mine. Just thinking about saying to someone that I have a friendship or relationship or business partnership with that I don't want to work with or associate with them anymore … it's like organs are dropping out of my body just thinking about it.
The "I can't possibly say that" lie is very powerful and causes so much anxiety in people. Whenever I encounter this lie or work with other folks that suffer from it, I use a simple exercise to help ensure that the truth is told. When you feel like there is something you couldn't possibly say, write it down on a piece of paper, give it to someone in your life and ask them to read it back to you. If it helps, substitute your name for the other person's name, so it reads like, "Dear Dyana, this is really hard for me to say to you, but you're important to me and I have to tell you that I don't like the way you're handling x, y and z."
Sometimes when you hear it from somebody else, you suddenly realize that you can say it or you can, but not right now or it's just completely inappropriate to say altogether. Either way, you've taken it out of your mind and put it out into the world so you can stop stewing over it.
So, do that little exercise for me now and let me know how it turns out. Did you find that it was something you could say after all or something you really had no business saying in the first place?
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Help your friends talk their walk and cut, paste & post these insta-tweets:
Do you have any business saying that out loud? See what @dyanavalentine says. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies
I think you are going to need to sit down for this - see what @dyanavalentine is confessing. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies
Do you know what the biggest lie @dyanavalentine tells herself is? Listen up. http://bit.ly/ojEQmi #bigfatlies
Every week on Finish It! Friday, I invite groovy folks to talk about finishing what they started. We keep it short & sweet. I capture their answers on video. And you get a direct sight line into their mind's eye.
It's the same three questions, every time:
1. Do you finish everything you start?
2. How do you get unstuck when you're having trouble finishing?
3. What are you really, really, REALLY good at?
This week, we've got the juicy Bindu Wiles, who takes a circuitous path to finishing. I like to call it the "sometimes you have to go around the block to get next door" technique (thank you Barry Goldberg, for this teaching that I keep re-learning).
Can't see the video? Click here.
If you are grazing and want my favorite parts of the interview, I LOVED it when Bindu said she accepts her self-doubt and makes time to lay on the couch and let it pass at the start of any project. She and I share the "call in the troops" (and only the cream of the crop, people) to get support when she gets stuck. When Bindu reaches deep, she taps into her faith and discipline to see her through the toughest bits.
Are you struggling to finish what you start? Are you a masterful finisher? Or somewhere in between? I'd love to play with you! Join me as a Finish It! Friday guest by emailing me at: info@dyanavalentine.com
Please leave your finishing struggles, tips and stories in the comments.
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