Diversity and Communication
Learning Objectives
Differentiate surface diversity from deep diversity;
Define your own identity and develop cultural competency;
Practice effective communication strategies to develop beneficial relationships with peers and professors;
List guidelines for successfully communicating individually with an instructor, such as doing so during office hours and via email messages that are polite, professional, and effective;
Understand the value of having a mentor and how interactions with instructors, your counselor, and others may lead to a mentoring relationship.
“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.”
— Maya Angelou
Cultural diversity is found everywhere in college, and it should be respected, appreciated, and celebrated. To be successful as a college student, it is critical that you understand and can describe your own diverse background. Being self-aware allows you to identify what makes you who you are while recognizing the differences that exist between you, other students, your professors, and all the members of a campus community. This section will discuss the factors that make up a person’s culture and how one can effectively communicate and work with people who may be different. You will also learn about aspects of a college culture in order to successfully navigate this new world.
“Diversity” means different things to different people, and it can be understood differently in different environments. In the context of your college experience, diversity generally refers to people around you who differ by race, culture, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, abilities, opinions, political views, and in other ways. When it comes to diversity on the college campus, we also think about how groups interact with one another, given their differences (even if they are just perceived differences.) How do diverse populations experience and explore their relationships?
Video
This video discusses the importance of diversity and inclusion on college campuses, https://bit.ly/collegediversity.
SURFACE DIVERSITY AND DEEP DIVERSITY
Surface diversity and deep diversity are categories of personal attributes—or differences in attributes— that people perceive to exist between people or groups of people.
Surface-level diversity refers to differences you can generally observe in others, like ethnicity, race, gender, age, culture, language, disability, etc. You can quickly and easily observe these features in a person. And people often do just that, making subtle judgments at the same time, which can lead to bias or discrimination. For example, if a teacher believes that older students perform better than younger students, the teacher may give slightly higher grades to the older students than the younger students. This bias is based on perception of the attribute of age, which is surface-level diversity;
Deep-level diversity, on the other hand, reflects differences that are less visible, like personality, attitude, beliefs, and values. These attributes are generally communicated verbally and nonverbally, so they are not easily noticeable or measurable. You may not detect deep-level diversity in a classmate, for example, until you get to know them, at which point you may find that you are either comfortable with these deeper character levels, or perhaps not. But once you gain this deeper level of awareness, you may focus less on surface diversity. For example: At the beginning of a term, a classmate belonging to a minority ethnic group, whose native language is not English (surface diversity), may be treated differently by fellow classmates in another ethnic group. But as the term gets under way, classmates begin discovering the person’s values and beliefs (deep-level diversity), which they find they are comfortable with. The surface-level attributes of language and perhaps skin color become more “transparent” (less noticeable) as comfort is gained with deep-level attributes.
Differences
Ours is a very diverse society—and increasingly so. Already in many parts of the country, non-Hispanic whites comprise less than 50 percent of the population, and by 2020 an estimated one in three Americans will be a person of color, as will be about half of all college students. But “diversity” means much more than a variety of racial and ethnic differences. Santa Monica College boasts an extremely diverse community because it is located in one of the most racially and ethnically diverse counties in the United States.
As we’ll use the term here, diversity refers to the great variety of human characteristics—ways that we are different even as we are all human and share more similarities than differences. These differences are an essential part of what enriches humanity. Aspects of diversity may be cultural, biological, or personal in nature. Diversity generally involves things that may significantly affect some people’s perceptions of others—not just any way people happen to be different.
When discussing diversity, it is often difficult to avoid seeming to generalize about different types of people—and such generalizations can seem similar to dangerous stereotypes. The following descriptions are meant only to suggest that individuals are different from other individuals in many possible ways and that we can all learn things from people whose ideas, beliefs, attitudes, values, backgrounds, experiences, and behaviors are different from our own. This is a primary reason college admissions departments frequently seek diversity in the student body. Following are various aspects of diversity:
Race: Race refers to what we generally think of as biological differences and is often defined by what some think of as skin color. Such perceptions are often at least as much social as they are biological;
Ethnicity: Ethnicity is a cultural distinction that is different from race. Ethnic groups share a common identity and a perceived cultural heritage that often involves shared ways of speaking and behaving, religion, traditions, and other traits. The term “ethnic” also refers to such a group that is a minority within the larger society. Race and ethnicity are sometimes interrelated but not automatically so;
Cultural background: Culture, like ethnicity, refers to shared characteristics, language, beliefs, behaviors, and identity. We are all influenced by our culture to some extent. While ethnic groups are typically smaller groups within a larger society, the larger society itself is often called the “dominant culture.” The term is often used rather loosely to refer to any group with identifiable shared characteristics;
Educational background: Colleges do not use a cookie-cutter approach to admit only students with identical academic skills. A diversity of educational background helps ensure a free flow of ideas and challenges those who might become set in their ways;
Geography: People from different places within the United States or the world often have a range of differences in ideas, attitudes, and behaviors;
Socioeconomic background: People’s identities are influenced by how they grow up, and part of that background involves socioeconomic factors. Socioeconomic diversity can contribute to a wide variety of ideas and attitudes;
Gender roles: Women hold virtually all professional and social roles, including those once dominated by men, and men have taken on many roles, such as raising a child, that were formerly occupied mostly by women. These changing roles have brought diverse new ideas and attitudes to college campuses;
Gender identity: Gender identity is one’s personal experience of one’s own gender. Gender identity can correlate with the sex at birth – male or female, or can differ from it completely: males may identify as female or vice versa, or a person may identify as a third gender or as falling somewhere along the continuum between male and female;
Age: While younger students attending college immediately after high school are generally within the same age range, older students returning to school bring a diversity of age. Because they often have broader life experiences, many older students bring different ideas and attitudes to the campus;
Sexual orientation: Gays and lesbians make up a significant percentage of people in American society and students on college campuses. Exposure to this diversity helps others overcome stereotypes and become more accepting of human differences;
Religion: For many people, religion is not just a Sunday morning practice but a larger spiritual force that infuses their lives. Religion helps shape different ways of thinking and behaving;
Political views: A diversity of political views helps broaden the level of discourse on campuses concerning current events and the roles of government and leadership at all levels;
Physical ability: Some students have athletic talents. Some students have physical disabilities. Physical differences among students bring yet another kind of diversity to colleges—a diversity that both widens opportunities for a college education and also helps all students better understand how people relate to the world in physical as well as intellectual ways.
The next activity is an opportunity to reflect on your own social identities, and the meanings they have for you.
Your Turn: Activity
YOUR IDENTITIES
How would you describe your identity or identities? What kind of words would you use to describe yourself in terms of:
Gender
Ethnicity
Age
Class
You may also want to describe other aspects of your identity that are important to you, such as nationality or regional identity, sexuality, religious or political beliefs, occupation or voluntary roles, family roles, interests and abilities, and so on. Use as many or as few terms as you like.
When you have made some notes in answer to this question, think about the following questions.
Which of these identities (one or more) is / are the most important to you at this point in your life and has this changed overtime?
Would you have described your identity / identities differently 10 or 20 years ago? In what way?
Identity
Identities are plural
Every person has a range of identities, according to how they perceive themselves (and how others perceive them) in terms of gender, ethnicity, sexuality, age, and so on. Defining an individual as only one aspect of their identity (for example: race) is inevitably reductive and misleading;
Identities are dynamic
The identities people assume change over time because of internal and external (societal) changes. Identity should not be seen as something ‘fixed’ within people;
Identities have different and changing meanings
Aspects of identity may have different meanings at different stages of your life and may be different from the meaning it has for others (for example, being Black may be a source of pride for you, but the basis of someone else's negative stereotyping);
Identities are contextual and interactional
Different identities play different roles in different contexts and settings, and in interactions with different people. One aspect of your identity may come to the fore in the workplace and a different aspect is dominant in the home, for example;
Identities are negotiated
In constructing their identities, people can only draw on terms that are available in society at that time. People are always negotiating their identities and the context of the different meanings attached to those identities.
These examples point to the contextual nature of identities. Another example of this is how different identities become important for people in different settings. Stuart Hall, a leading writer on issues of culture and identity, suggests that the word ‘identifications’ is preferable to the term ‘identities’, reflecting a view that identity is a process rather than something fixed and unchanging (Hall, 2000). Furthermore, assuming an identity takes place in a social context. As Hall makes clear, the identities that people take on always come with a history and are to some extent ‘given’ by society, although people may attribute different meanings to them.
Taking this view of identity, as a social process that people engage in, rather than as a fixed essence inside them, is not to deny that particular identities are extremely important for certain groups and individuals. Being a Sikh, or a woman, or gay, may feel like the most important and ‘deepest’ part of you. However, a more dynamic and social model of identity is useful because it makes it difficult to reduce people to any one aspect of their identity, or to use social identity as a way of explaining every aspect of their behavior and needs, including their communication needs and behavior.
CULTURAL COMPETENCY
As a college student, you are likely to find yourself in diverse classrooms, organizations, and – eventually – workplaces. It is important to prepare yourself to be able to adapt to diverse environments. Cultural competency can be defined as the ability to recognize and adapt to cultural differences and similarities. It involves “(a) the cultivation of deep cultural self-awareness and understanding (i.e., how one’s own beliefs, values, perceptions, interpretations, judgments, and behaviors are influenced by one’s cultural community or communities) and (b) increased cultural other-understanding (i.e., comprehension of the different ways people from other cultural groups make sense of and respond to the presence of cultural differences).”1
In other words, cultural competency requires you to be aware of your own cultural practices, values, and experiences, and to be able to read, interpret, and respond to those of others. Such awareness will help you successfully navigate the cultural differences you will encounter in diverse environments. Cultural competency is critical to working and building relationships with people from different cultures; it is so critical, in fact, that it is now one of the most highly desired skills in the modern workforce.
Video
In this video, university students talk about what cultural competence is and what it means to them personally. Creating Cultural Competence was created by Jacquelyn Wiersma-Mosley and Margaret Miller Butcher and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. https://bit.ly/culturalcompetenceuni
We don’t automatically understand differences among people and celebrate the value of those differences. Cultural competency is a skill that you can learn and improve upon over time and with practice. What actions can you take to build your cultural competency skills?
Your Turn: Activity
YOUR COMMITMENT TO DIVERSITY
This activity will help you examine ways in which you can develop your awareness of and commitment to diversity on campus. Answer the following questions to the best of your ability:
What are my plans for expanding myself personally and intellectually in college?
What kind of community will help me expand most fully, with diversity as a factor in my expansion?
What are my comfort zones, and how might I expand them to connect with more diverse groups?
Do I want to be challenged by new viewpoints, or will I feel more comfortable connecting with people who are like me?
What are my biggest questions about diversity?
Submit this assignment according to directions from your instructor.
Consider the following strategies to help you answer the questions:
Examine extracurricular activities. Can you get involved with clubs or organizations that promote and expand diversity?
Review your college’s curriculum. In what ways does it reflect diversity? Does it have departments and courses on historically unrepresented peoples, e.g., cultural and ethnic studies, and gender and sexuality studies. Search for study-abroad programs, as well;
Read your college’s mission statement. Read the mission statement of other colleges. How do they match up with your values and beliefs? How do they align with the value of diversity?
Inquire with friends, faculty, colleagues, family. Be open about diversity. What does it mean to others? What positive effects has it had on them? Ask people about diversity;
Research can help. You might consult college literature, Web sites, resource centers and organizations on campus, etc.
Prejudice
Unfortunately, prejudice and hate still exist in America, including on college campuses. Prejudice exists against racial and ethnic minorities, women, people with disabilities, older adults, gays and lesbians—virtually all groups that can be characterized as “different.” All campuses have policies against all forms of prejudice and discriminatory behaviors. But it is not enough for only college administrators to fight prejudice and hate—this is a responsibility for all good citizens who take seriously the shared American value of equality for all people. So what can you as a college student do?
Decide that it does matter. Prejudice threatens us all, not just the particular group being discriminated against in a specific incident. Don’t stay on the sidelines or think it’s up to the people who may be victimized by prejudice or hate to do something about it. We can all do something;
Talk with others. Communication has great value on campuses. Let others know how you feel about any acts of prejudice or hatred that you witness. The more everyone openly condemns such behavior, the less likely it is to reappear in the future. This applies even if you hear another student telling a racist joke or putting down the opposite sex—speak up and tell the person you find such statements offensive. You don’t want that person to think you agree with them. Speaking up can be difficult to do, but it can be done tactfully. People can and do learn what is acceptable in a diverse environment;
Report incidents you observe. If you happen to see someone spray-painting a hateful slogan, for example, be a good citizen and report it to the appropriate campus office or the police;
Support student groups working for change. Show your support for groups and activities that celebrate diversity and condemn prejudice. Once you become aware of such student activities on campus, you’ll find many ways you can help make a difference;
Celebrate diversity. In many ways, you can learn more about diversity through campus programs and activities. The more all students participate, the closer the campus will come to being free of prejudice and hate. Be a role model in how you act and what you say in relation to diversity, and you may have more effect on others than you realize.
If you yourself experience prejudice or discrimination related to your race or ethnicity, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, religion, or any other aspect of diversity, don’t ignore it or accept it as something that cannot be changed. As discussed earlier, college students can do much to minimize intolerance on campus. Many overt forms of discrimination are illegal and against college policies. You owe it to yourself, first and foremost, to report it to the appropriate college authority.
You can also attack prejudice in other ways:
Join a campus organization that works to reduce prejudice or start a new group and discuss ways you can confront the problem and work for a solution;
Seek solidarity with other groups;
Organize positive celebrations and events to promote understanding;
Write an article for a campus publication explaining the values of diversity and condemning intolerance.
What if you are directly confronted by an individual or group making racist or other discriminatory remarks? In an emotionally charged situation, rational dialogue may be difficult or impossible, and a shouting match or name-calling seldom is productive. If the person may have made an offensive remark inadvertently or because of a misunderstanding, then you may be able to calmly explain the problem with what they said or did. Hopefully, the person will apologize and learn from the experience. But if the person made the remark or acted that way intentionally, confronting this negative person directly may be difficult and not have a positive outcome. Most importantly, take care that the situation does not escalate in the direction of violence. Reporting the incident instead to college authorities may better serve the larger purpose of working toward harmony and tolerance.
COMMUNICATION
Better Interactions
Socializing is generally considered a leisurely, enjoyable activity. But, depending on your personality and attitude, it can also feel like work or provoke anxiety. Whatever your natural inclinations are, you can learn how to communicate more effectively with others and foster supportive interactions. The “doors” of change to more effective interactions are threefold:
Examine your reservations;
Engage with others;
Expand your social circle.
1. EXAMINE YOUR RESERVATIONS
Everybody feels shy or insecure from time to time, but if you feel inhibited by your shyness, it may be because you have developed certain habits of thought that do not serve your best interests anymore. Below are some strategies to help you examine reservations you may have about engaging in social activities.
Change ideas and thoughts: In our busy, high-octane lives, it is not always easy to be aware of our thoughts, especially habitual thoughts that sometimes lurk behind the others. But, if we make a point to listen to our thoughts, we may discover some we would like to change. Once you begin to recognize thoughts you would like to change, you can train yourself in new directions. To start, you can close your eyes and visualize the negative thoughts. Let it slowly dissolve until it disappears completely;
Turn a negative thought into a constructive thought: If you find yourself thinking that you are not suited to joining a group that interests you, turn this thought into a positive one by saying, “I am an interesting person and I have a lot to offer and share.” This affirmation is true! You might want to come up with three or more replacement thoughts;
Acknowledge that everyone is unique: Everybody experiences high and low points in life. But even if we cannot change external circumstances, we can change our perceptions and attitudes. A happy attitude will always serve you well.
2. ENGAGE WITH OTHERS
Smile: One of the easiest ways to compel yourself into socializing is to smile. Smiling can instantly make you feel more positive. It also draws other people to you;
Use welcoming body language: If you are at a social gathering, be aware of your body language. Does it signal that you are approachable? Make eye contact with people, give them a small wave or a nod, and keep your eyes focused in front of you instead of at your feet or at the floor. When you appear happy and ready to talk, people are more likely to come up to you;
Put your phone away: If you seem busy, people will not want to interrupt you. Your body language could reflect that you are open to a conversation;
Be genuine: Whether you are talking to an old friend or somebody you have just met, show genuine interest in the conversation. Being fully engaged shows that you are compassionate and makes for more stimulating and fulfilling interactions with others;
Keep conversations balanced: Ask people questions about themselves. Show that you care by asking others to share;
Be open-minded: The old adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is relevant here. Someone you’re ambivalent about could end up being your best friend;
Give yourself a chance to get to know others. What interests might you share?
3. EXPAND YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE
Offer invitations: As you reach out to others, they will be more likely to reciprocate and reach out to you. Call old friends that you have not seen in a while and set up a time to get together. Invite a friend to the movies, a baseball game, a concert, or other activity. Consider having a party and telling your friends to bring guests;
Accept more invitations: Granted, there are only so many hours in the day for socializing. But if you are in the habit of turning down invitations, try to make a point to accept some—even if the invitation is to attend something out of your comfort zone. You might even want to make a habit of arbitrarily saying yes three times for every one time you say no;
Join a club or group with like-minded people: Making new friends and expanding one’s social network can be accomplished by joining a club or group. You may even want to consider joining a group focused on something different from what you are used to;
Meet mutual friends: Meeting friends of friends is one of the easiest ways to meet new people. Try to view every person you meet in your life as a doorway into a new social circle;
Seek out unique opportunities to be social: This can be as simple as starting a conversation with a checkout clerk—”Hey, how’s your day going?”—instead of remaining quiet.
All in all, make your social life one of your top priorities. Everyone needs some alone time, too, but it is important to stay connected. Keeping those connections alive contributes to healthy interdependence and personal success.
Video
In our louder and louder world, says sound expert Julian Treasure, "We are losing our listening." In this short, fascinating talk, Treasure shares five ways to re-tune your ears for conscious listening -- to other people and the world around you: 5 Ways to Listen Better, http://bit.ly/C20ListenBetter.
Nonverbal Communication
Recall a time when the things someone said to you did not match the tone in their voice or the way they were acting. Whether deliberate or not, humans communicate nonverbally and often deliver a clearer message using nonverbal cues as opposed to just words.
Like verbal communication, nonverbal communication is essential in our everyday interactions. While nonverbal and verbal communications have many similar functions, nonverbal communication has its own set of functions for helping us communicate with each other. For example, at school or your job, you usually do not pay attention to the way you give off nonverbal communication such as hand gestures and facial expressions. Even so, others can and do derive meaning from your nonverbal behaviors whether they are intentional or not. An example of this is how professors pay attention to their students’ nonverbal communication in class (such as slouching, leaning back in the chair, or paying attention to their cell phones) and make assumptions about them (they are bored, tired, or not paying attention). These assumptions are often based on acts that are, typically, done unintentionally. How do you interpret these student's nonverbals?
Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication. He found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc). Subtracting the 7% for actual vocal content leaves one with the 93% statistic that nonverbal communication accounts for most of your communication. Therefore, it is extremely important to not only focus on your verbal communication but you must always be aware of your nonverbal communication.
Social Conflict and Resolution Strategies
Now that you know more about communication strategies for interacting in college, you may find it helpful to identify common situations that can evoke anxiety or social problems and conflict.
CAMPUS PARTIES AND HOOK UPS
Many college students report that they have social limits not shared by some of their friends. For example, you may join a group of friends to attend a party off-campus where a lot of drinking is taking place, along with other activities you are not comfortable with. If this kind of situation clashes with your personal, cultural, or religious values, you may feel best leaving the event and seeking out other social settings in the future. Angle your social interests toward people and situations that are compatible with your values and preferences.
ACADEMIC PROBLEMS
When you’re in college, it’s not unusual to hit a rough patch and find yourself struggling academically, and such challenges can have an impact on your social life. If you may find yourself in this situation—and especially if it includes other stressors, such as employment difficulties, responsibilities for family members, or financial problems—you may benefit from slowing down and getting help. Your college or university has support systems in place to help you. Take advantage of resources such as the tutoring center, counseling center, and academic advisers to help you restore your social life to a balanced state.
HOMESICKNESS
Homesickness is common among college freshmen, but it can persist in later college years, too. During this time, one may not feel up to being fully sociable or outgoing, especially if depression is involved. In fact, depression and social isolation tend to go together. As unappealing as it may feel, one of the best antidotes to homesickness (and depression, too,) is to try to make new social connections. Try to appreciate your new environment and know that you are not alone in feeling a bit out of place and alone. Many potential new friends may be sharing the same feeling and hoping to connect with someone just like you. Give yourself time to acclimate, but reach out as soon as possible and take an active role in building your new college life.
TOO MUCH SOCIAL MEDIA
It’s pretty obvious that social media is an integral part of the social landscape in college. From tweeting about a football game, to posting your spring break on Snapchat, to beefing up your LinkedIn profile before a job hunt, to Instagramming pictures of party hijinks, social networking is everywhere in college, and it’s likely to stay. The following video gives an insider’s perspective at why college students use social media. Despite the many benefits, as you know, social networking can be a major distraction. If social networking is getting in the way of any part of your college success—whether it’s social or academic success—take a break and disconnect for a while.
Here are ten reasons why you may wish to step away from social media, at least temporarily: When it's Time to Unplug—10 Reasons Why Too Much Social Media Is Bad for You, http://bit.ly/C20Unplug.
For now, keep in mind the many benefits of socializing in college. It’s possible to have a healthy social life that’s balanced with other responsibilities.
Words of Wisdom
With a Little Help From My Friends
We often hear about the importance of relationships: a necessary aspect of integration in society. Unfortunately, we rarely follow that advice. Perhaps we live an excessively busy life or we already have a close group of friends and do not feel compelled to meet new people. I have come to learn through my time in college that neglecting to cultivate new relationships is detrimental to living a happy and successful life. I would like to offer this piece of advice: no matter how difficult it seems at first, always try to make new friends. College is not always easy. However, having friends makes it much easier.
Friends are a vital part of your life that can expose you to new subjects, cultures, and experiences while giving you the opportunity to do the same for them At my college, there was a small space that the students called “the bat cave.” It was by no means a first- class lounge, but it was a place where friends could help others better understand their course material. We gave it this peculiar nickname because it was our place to get together and conquer villains one after another. These were not your everyday super villains, however. Sometimes they were complicated homework assignments and other times they were difficult exams. No matter the challenge, someone was always willing to help. I went to the bat cave several times and every visit I learned something new. Professors and teaching assistants could not relate to us like our friends could. That made a difference, because nothing was better than being taught by a friend.
Friends are not only an essential support for your time in school, but also can be integral in helping realize post-college aspirations. During a visit to New York City, I visited the offices of the company Spotify. After touring their facilities I had the opportunity to talk to some of the employees. One man I talked with was a senior employee who worked at Microsoft prior to joining Spotify’s team. Our conversation stuck in my head because he gave a very striking piece of advice: make friends. It never truly occurred to me that the friends you make in college could impact your future in the workforce. They could be partners in potential business ventures or help you land your dream job. In any case, having strong connections with friends can undoubtedly make a major difference in your career.
The best part of making new friends, however, is trading life experiences, skills, and interests with them. For a year and a half before my final semester of college, I studied abroad in the United States. My family was concerned because typically, students search for first jobs prior to graduation. I, on the other hand, had no trepidations about going because I knew that I would have countless exciting learning experiences. I can say today, without a doubt, that my trip was a great decision. I met incredible people, and through knowing them, I grew and changed. I also know that I was a positive feature in the lives of my new friends. The greatest thing that I learned was that meeting different people with different backgrounds, histories, perspectives, or even different musical tastes, inevitably changes you and lets you see the world in an entirely different way. You no longer see the world as simply a big, blue sphere with freezing winters or sizzling summers (although that certainly seems to be the case up North!), but as a place in which people like you live, learn, and love.
Going to college may seem hard, but it does not need to be. I have learned that the way I perceive my life as a student completely relies upon my relationships with my friends. They are not only the people that I like to spend time with, but also are essential in my growth and development as a human being. The pages in this book include insights from others just like you and me. They want to help you get through the common struggles of college with confidence and perseverance. Consider them your most recent new friends. I truly hope that this inspires you in your quest for a great future.
—Paulo Fernandes (State University of New York), Foundations of Academic Success: Words of Wisdom
SOCIALIZING WITH FRIENDS
If you were to ask fellow students what they think are the greatest benefits of social interaction in college, you would probably get a wide and colorful range of responses. How would you answer?
Gaining good friends to “talk shop” with? Easing loneliness during difficult times? Having a group to join for Friday night fun? Indeed, there are many, many benefits personal to each of us. But you may find, too, that there are certain benefits that are recognizable to all. These are highlighted below.
FORM DEEP AND LASTING RELATIONSHIPS
When you socialize regularly in college, you tend to develop deep and lasting relationships. Even if some of the connections are shorter term, they can support you in different ways. Maybe a college friend in your same major is interested in starting a business with you. Or, maybe a roommate helps you find a job. With a foundation of caring and concern, you are bound to find that your interdependent relationships fulfill you and others. It is unlikely that students without interdependent relationships will experience these kinds of benefits;
DEVELOPING GOOD STUDY HABITS
Study habits vary from student to student, but you can usually tell when studying and social life are at odds. Creative, organized students can combine studying and socializing for maximum advantage. You might join a peer study group for a subject that you find difficult or even for a subject that you excel in. Either way, you and others gain from this relationship. There is mutual support not only for studying but for building social connections;
MINIMIZE STRESS
When you feel stressed, what are your “go-to” behaviors? It can be hard to reach out to others during times of stress, but socializing can be a great stress reliever. When you connect with others, you may find that life is a little easier and burdens can be shared and lightened. Helping is mutual. The key is to balance social activities with responsibilities;
SHARE INTERESTS
In college, there are opportunities not only to explore a wide spectrum of interests but also to share them. In the process of exploring and developing your personal interests, you may join a club or perhaps work in a campus location that fits your interests. By connecting with others in a context of shared interests, everyone could gain because you expand knowledge and experience through social interaction;
DEVELOP SOCIAL SKILLS
As you engage in social activities in college, you have the opportunity to observe how other people act in these situations. You may observe behaviors you want to emulate or behaviors you wish to avoid.
Throughout these observations and experiences, you can learn new ways to handle yourself in social situations. These skills will benefit you as you pursue a career and engage with people who interest and inspire you.
Resolving Conflict
In any friendship or relationship, conflict will eventually happen. This is just natural because people are different. If a conflict is ignored, or the partners just argue without resolving it, it may simmer and continue to cause tension, eventually weakening the relationship. It’s better to take steps to resolve it.
Conflict resolution is a process of understanding what’s really going on and then finding a solution. The same general steps of conflict resolution can work to solve a relationship conflict or a conflict between any people or groups because of a disagreement about anything. Following are the general principles of conflict resolution:
Allow things to cool off. It’s difficult to resolve a conflict while either party is still emotional. Wait a few minutes or agree to talk about it later;
Using “I statements” rather than “you statements,” each party explains what bothers them about the cause of the conflict. For example, don’t say, “You’re always playing loud music when I’m trying to study.” Instead, say, “I have difficulty studying when you play loud music, and that makes me frustrated and irritable.” “You statements” put the other person on the defensive and evoke emotions that make resolution more difficult;
Listen carefully to what the other person says. Then restate the message in your own words to give the other a chance to clarify their thoughts and feelings. Each party should listen to the other and restate the other’s message to ensure the real issue is out on the table for discussion;
Accept responsibility for your role in the conflict, instead of blaming the other. A good example of accepting responsibility is to say, “I know I’m always studying and need the quiet. I guess that makes it hard for you to listen to your music”;
Brainstorm together to find a solution that satisfies both of you. Some compromise is usually needed, but that is usually not difficult to reach when you’re calm and are working together on a solution. In this example, you might compromise by going elsewhere to study at selected times when the other has friends over and wants to listen to music, and the other may compromise by agreeing to use headphones at other times and never to play music aloud after 10 p.m.;
Apologize, thank, and forgive. After reaching a resolution, emotional closure is needed to restore your relationship and end on a positive, affirming note. When appropriate, apologize for your past anger or arguing. Thank the other for being willing to compromise to resolve the conflict. In your mind, forgive the person for past misunderstandings and actions so that you do not carry any grudge into the future.
More Resources
Starting a new school or training program may mean living with family you’ve never lived with before, living with roommates who were previously strangers or, at the very least, learning how to deal with neighbors. It takes a bit of work, good boundaries and possibly new communication skills to make living with others enjoyable and supportive for everyone involved. Here are some effective and simple tips on how to do just that. https://www.dyanavalentine.com/studentsuccess/roommates
Positive Psychology put together a strong article on How To Set Healthy Boundaries. Check it out: https://bit.ly/healthyboundariesformentalhealth
Lardbucket produced a solid chapter on communication, making new friends, understanding community diversity, and family dynamics, https://bit.ly/sociallifeincollege, and we hope it will amplify what you learned in this section.
COMMUNICATING WITH PROFESSORS
So far we’ve examined communication with peers, however, students gain very specific benefits from communicating directly with their instructors. Learn best practices for communicating with your instructors during office hours and through email.
Why Talk With Your Instructors?
College students are sometimes surprised to discover that instructors like students and enjoy getting to know them. After all, they want to feel they’re doing something more meaningful than talking to an empty room. The human dimension of college really matters, and as a student you are an important part of your instructor’s world. Most instructors are happy to talk to you during their office hours or to talk a few minutes after class.
In addition, talking with your instructors often leads to benefits beyond simply doing well in that class.
Talking with instructors helps you feel more comfortable in college and more connected to the campus. Students who talk to their instructors are less likely to become disillusioned and drop out;
Talking with instructors is a valuable way to learn about an academic field or a career. Don’t know for sure what you want to major in, or what people with a degree in your chosen major actually do after college? Most instructors will share information and insights with you;
You may need a reference or letter of recommendation for a job or internship application. Getting to know some of your instructors puts you in an ideal position to ask for a letter of recommendation or a reference in the future when you need one;
Because instructors are often well connected within their field, they may know of a job, internship, or research possibility you otherwise may not learn about. An instructor who knows you is a valuable part of your network. Networking is very important for future job searches and other opportunities;
In fact, most jobs are found through networking, not through classified ads or online job postings;
Think about what it truly means to be “educated”: how one thinks, understands society and the world, and responds to problems and new situations. Much of this learning occurs outside the classroom. Talking with your highly educated instructors can be among your most meaningful experiences in college.
Treat Others how You’d Like to be Treated
Getting along with instructors and communicating well begins with attitude. As experts in their field, they deserve your respect. Remember that a college education is a collaborative process that works best when students and instructors communicate freely in an exchange of ideas, information, and perspectives. So while you should respect your instructors, you shouldn’t fear them. As you get to know them better, you’ll learn their personalities and find appropriate ways to communicate. Here are some guidelines for getting along with and communicating with your instructors:
Prepare before going to the instructor’s office. Go over your notes on readings and lectures and write down your specific questions. You’ll feel more comfortable, and the instructor will appreciate your being organized;
Don’t forget to introduce yourself. Especially near the beginning of the term, don’t assume your instructor has learned everyone’s names yet and don’t make them have to ask you. Unless the instructor has already asked you to address them as “Dr. _________,” “Ms. _________” or Mr. ________,” or something similar, it’s appropriate to say “Professor _____________.”;
Respect the instructor’s time. In addition to teaching, college instructors sit on committees, do research and other professional work, and have personal lives. Don’t show up two minutes before the end of an office hour and expect the instructor to stay late to talk with you;
Realize that the instructor will recognize you from class—even in a large lecture hall. If you spent a lecture class joking around with friends in the back row, don’t think you can show up during office hours to find out what you missed while you weren’t paying attention;
Don’t try to fool an instructor. Insincere praise or making excuses for not doing an assignment won’t make it in college. Nor is it a good idea to show you’re “too cool” to take all this seriously—another attitude sure to turn off an instructor. To earn your instructor’s respect, come to class prepared, do the work, participate genuinely in class, and show respect—and the instructor will be happy to receive you when you come to office hours or need some extra help;
Try to understand things from the instructor’s point of view. Imagine that you spent a couple hours making PowerPoint slides and preparing a class lecture on something you find very stimulating and exciting. When in front of a full room, you are gratified at the heads nodding as people understand what you’re saying—they really get it! And then a student after class asks, “Is this going to be on the test?” How would you feel?
Be professional when talking to an instructor. You can be cordial and friendly, but keep it professional and on an adult level. Come to office hours prepared with your questions—not just to chat or joke around. (Don’t wear sunglasses or earphones in the office or check your cell phone for messages.) Be prepared to accept criticism in a professional way, without taking it personally or complaining;
Use your best communication skills. Learning the difference between assertive communication and passive or aggressive communication.
Part-Time and Returning Students
Students who are working and who have their own families and other responsibilities may have special issues interacting with instructors. Sometimes an older student feels a little out of place and may even feel “the system” is designed for younger students; this attitude can lead to a hesitation to participate in class or talk to an instructor during office hours.
But participation and communication with instructors is very important for all students—and may be even more important for “nontraditional” students. Getting to know your instructors is particularly crucial for feeling at home in college. Instructors enjoy talking with older and other nontraditional students—even when, as sometimes happens, a student is older than the instructor. Nontraditional students are often highly motivated and eager to learn. If you can’t make the instructor’s office hours because of your work schedule, ask for an appointment at a different time—your needs will be respected and accommodated whenever possible.
Part-time students, who may be taking evening courses, often have greater difficulty meeting with instructors. In addition, many part-time students taking evening and weekend classes are taught by part- time faculty who, like them, may be on campus only for small amounts of time. Yet it is just as critical for part-time students to engage in the learning process and have a sense of belonging on campus. With effort, you can usually find a way to talk with your instructors.
Assert yourself: You are in college for reasons just as good as those of other students, and you have the same rights. Avoid the temptation to give up or feel defeated; talk with your instructor to arrange a time to meet, and make the most of your time interacting together. Use email to communicate when you need to and contact your instructor when you have any question you can’t raise in person.
The Best Emails get the Best Replies
Just as email has become a primary form of communication in business and society, email has a growing role in education and has become an important and valuable means of communicating with instructors. Virtually all younger college students have grown up using email and have a computer or computer access in college, although some have developed poor habits from using email principally with friends in the past. Some older college students may not yet understand the importance of email and other computer skills in college; if you are not now using email, it’s time to learn how (refer to “Getting Started with email”). Especially when it is difficult to talk to an instructor in person during office hours, email can be an effective form of communication and interaction with instructors. email is also an increasingly effective way to collaborate with other students on group projects or while studying with other students.
MYTH: "Email is basically instant, and I know my teacher checks their email all of the time. So, if I don't understand something or have a last-minute question about an assignment, I can email them and they should respond right away. They’re definitely up at 10 PM, and it would only take them 2 minutes to write back with the answer."
THE FACTS: this is a misconception that we're sure all instructors would like to be cleared up from the outset. Most of your instructors provide a maximum email turnaround time, typically between 24-48 hours. As a student, you need to plan ahead as much as possible, and be sure to have an alternate solution if you don't hear back from your instructor before an assignment is due (remember, your assignments are your responsibility, not theirs). Some instructors include a "Questions About the Course" discussion thread where they encourage students to answer one another's questions. This could be immensely helpful for you, and might be a way for you to help other students in turn. (Remember what we said about building classroom relationships?) Another approach would be to reach out to another member of the class and exchange private emails to support each other throughout the semester. Because you're not meeting with each other once or more times every week, it's easy to feel isolated in an online course. Try some of these tactics so you can connect with others - you will get a lot more out of your classes if you do.
Building supportive online relationships and friendships requires skill and practice. The good news is, students who develop good communication skills, learn to be assertive, and are able to cooperate and collaborate well in a virtual environment will find these skills highly transferable (and valued) in their personal and professional lives long after their course is over.
GETTING STARTED WITH EMAIL
If you don’t have your own computer, find out where on-campus computers are available for student use, such as at the library or your local;
Many students have a Gmail or Hotmail account they use for personal communications. As a college student you will be provided with an email account hosted by the college. This is the email you should use to communicate with your faculty. Other email accounts may be blocked as SPAM. You can go in and personalize your email account and forward items to other accounts;
If you don’t have enough computer experience to know how to do this, ask a friend for help getting started or check at your library or student services office for a publication explaining how email works;
Once you have your account set up, give your email address to instructors who request it and to other students with whom you study or maintain contact. Email is a good way to contact another student if you miss a class;
Once you begin using email, remember to check it regularly for messages. Most people view e- mail like a telephone message and expect you to respond fairly soon;
Be sure to use good email etiquette when writing to instructors.
If your instructor gives you their email addresses, use email rather than the telephone for non-urgent matters. Using email respects other people’s time, allowing them to answer at a time of their choosing, rather than being interrupted by a telephone call.
But email is a written form of communication that is different from telephone voice messages and text messages. Students who text with friends have often adopted shortcuts, such as not spelling out full words, ignoring capitalization and punctuation, and not bothering with grammar or full sentence constructions. This is inappropriate in an email message to an instructor, who expects a more professional quality of writing. Most instructors expect your communications to be in full sentences with correctly spelled words and reasonable grammar. Follow these guidelines:
Use a professional email name. If you have a funny name you use with friends, create a different account with a professional name you use with instructors, work supervisors, and others;
Use the subject line to label your message effectively at a glance. “May I make an appointment?” says something; “In your office?” doesn’t;
Address email messages as you do a letter, beginning “Dear Professor .” Include your full name if it’s not easily recognizable in your email account;
Get to your point quickly and concisely. Don’t make the reader scroll down a long email to find out what it is you want to say;
Because email is a written communication, it does not express emotion the way a voice message does;
Don’t attempt to be funny, ironic, or sarcastic, Write as you would in a paper for class. In a large lecture class or an online course, your email voice may be the primary way your instructor knows you, and emotionally charged messages can be confusing or give a poor impression;
Don’t use capital letters to emphasize. All caps come across as SHOUTING;
Avoid abbreviations, nonstandard spelling, slang, and emoticons like smiley faces. These do not convey a professional tone;
Don’t make demands or state expectations such as “I’ll expect to hear from you soon” or “If I haven’t heard by 4 p.m., I’ll assume you’ll accept my paper late”;
When you reply to a message, leave the original message within yours. Your reader may need to recall what they said in the original message;
Be polite. End the message with a “Thank you” or something similar;
Proofread your message before sending it;
With any important message to a work supervisor or instructor, it’s a good idea to wait and review the message later before sending it. You may have expressed an emotion or thought that you will think better about later. Many problems result when people send messages too quickly without thinking.
Resolving a Conflict With an Instructor
The most common issue students feel with an instructor involves earning a grade lower than they think they deserve. It can be surprising or upsetting to earn a low grade, but it’s not the end of the world. Don’t be too hard on yourself—or on the instructor. Be honest with yourself about what happened on the test or paper and make sure you know what to do better next time. Always review the requirements of the assignment (sometimes a rubric is included). Review the earlier section on studying habits, time management, and taking tests.
If you believe you earned a higher grade than is marked in your grade book, talk with your instructor. How you communicate in that conversation, however, is very important. Instructors are obligated to explain their standards for grading, and will share them with you.
Follow these guidelines to talk about a grade or resolve any other problem or disagreement with an instructor:
First go over the requirements and/or the rubric for the assignment or test as well as the instructor’s annotations, feedback and comments. Be sure you are prepared to discuss how your work has met the requirements;
Make an appointment with your instructor during office hours or another time. Unless it’s how your particular class works, avoid raising the issue if time is limited before or after class. If your instructor prefers email, use it and be brief and specific. If your instructor prefers the telephone, do your best to accommodate that method;
Allow the instructor to explain their comments on the assignment or grading of the test, and take notes. Raise any specific questions or make comments at this time. For example, you might say, “I understand (paraphrase the requirement), and I thought I met that requirement when I (describe the element of your work that you feel was completed) . . .”;
Use good listening skills. Try to avoid debate (in the sense of trying to prove your professor’s standards are unreasonable if they were stated in the assignment). You may always ask for clarification or more information;
Ask what you can do to improve your grade, if possible. Can you rewrite the paper or do any extra-credit work to help make up for a test score? If you are truly available to do so, make it clear you’re willing to put in the effort;
If there is no opportunity to improve on this specific project, ask the instructor for advice on what you might do on the next assignment or when preparing for the next test. You may be offered some individual help or receive good study advice, and your instructor will respect your willingness to get as much knowledge as possible out of the course.
TIPS FOR TALKING WITH YOUR INSTRUCTORS
When you have a question, ask it sooner rather than later;
Be prepared and plan your questions and comments in advance;
Be respectful and communicate professionally;
Be open minded and ready to learn from the conversation;
There is no such thing as a “stupid question.” Ask until you understand;
You may not always be happy with the result of a grade review, but we do want you to get the most out of our classes.
CHECK IN WITH YOUR EMOTIONS, THEN TALK
If you’re going to talk with an instructor about your grade or any other problem, please be aware of any heightened emotions, such as disappointment or sadness or anger you may be feeling. Here are a few tips to help you become aware of and responsible for your emotional state before you do or say something that you might later regret:
Being upset about a grade is good because it shows you care and that you have passion about your education. But extreme emotion, such as anger, may prevent clear thinking or get in the way of a productive conversation;
Since anger involves bodily reactions and usually does not last a long time, take a pause before you confront someone. Try some deep breathing to bring the emotion into a more reasonable range;
Try putting yourself in your instructor’s shoes and understanding the situation from their point of view. Try to understand how grading is not a personal issue of “liking” you—that they are really doing something for your educational benefit;
It’s not your life or your person that’s being graded. Things outside your control could affect your performance on a test or assignment. The instructor can grade only on what you turned in, not what you could have done or are capable of doing. Understanding this distinction will help you accept what happened, not take a grade personally, and do something to change the situation for the better.
FIND A MENTOR
A mentor is someone who is usually older and more experienced than you who becomes your trusted guide, advisor, and role model. A mentor is someone you may want to be like in your future career or profession— someone you admire and whose advice and guidance you respect. Some universities have formal systems to help you find an appropriate mentor. Ask at our student services office to find out if there is a program available to you.
Finding a mentor can be one of the most fulfilling aspects of college. As a student, you think about many things and make many decisions, large and small, almost daily: What do you want to do in the future? How can you best balance your studies with your job? What should you major in? Should you take this course or that one? What should you do if you feel like you’re failing a course? Where should you put your priorities as you prepare for a future career? How can you be a better student? The questions go on and on. We talk about things like this with our friends and often family members, but often they don’t have the same experience or background to help us as a mentor can.
Most importantly, a mentor is someone who is willing to help you, to talk with you about decisions you face, to support you when things become difficult, and to guide you when you’re feeling lost. A mentor can become a valuable part of your future network but also can help you in the here and now.
Many different people can become mentors: other students, family members, people you know through work, your boss. As a college student, however, your best mentor likely is someone involved in education: your advisor, a more experienced student, or an instructor. Finding a mentor is another reason to develop good relationships with your instructors, starting with class participation and communication outside of class.
A mentor is not like a good friend, exactly—you’re not going to invite your instructor to a movie—but it does involve a form of friendship. Nor is a mentor a formal relationship: you don’t ask an instructor to become your mentor. The mentor relationship is more informal and develops slowly, often without actively trying to find a mentor. Here’s an example of how one student “found” a mentor:
As a freshman taking several classes, Miguel particularly liked and admired one of his instructors, Professor Canton. Miguel spoke up more in Canton’s class and talked with him sometimes during office hours. When it was time to register for the next term, Miguel learned that Canton was teaching another course he was interested in, so he asked him about that course one day during office hours. Miguel was pleased when Professor Canton said he’d like to have him in his class next term.
By the end of his first year of college, Miguel seemed to know Canton better than any of his other instructors and felt very comfortable talking with him outside of class. One day after talking about a reading assignment, Miguel said he was enjoying this class so much that he was thinking about majoring in this subject and asked Professor Canton what he thought about it. Canton suggested that he take a few more classes before making a decision, and he invited Miguel to sit in on a seminar of upper-level students he was holding.
In his second year, Miguel’s interests turned in another direction as he began to think about his future job possibilities, but by then he felt comfortable enough talking with Canton that he occasionally stopped by the professor’s office even though he was not taking a class with him. Sometimes he was surprised how much Professor Canton knew about other departments and other faculty, and Canton often shared insights about other courses he might be interested in that his advisor had not directed him to. When Miguel learned about a summer internship in his field and was considering applying, Canton not only volunteered to write him a letter of recommendation but even offered to help Miguel with the essay part of the application if he wanted.
Some universities have more formal mentoring programs, and you should become involved in one if you have this opportunity, but often a mentoring relationship occurs informally as you get to know an instructor or another person over time. In your first year, you don’t go searching frantically for a mentor, but you should begin interacting with your instructors and other students in ways that may lead, over time, to developing that kind of relationship.
Similarly, your academic advisor or a college counselor might become a mentor for you if you share interests and you admire that person as a role model and trusted guide. Your advisor is so important for your college success that if you feel you are not getting along well, you should ask the advising department to switch you to a different advisor. Take the time to build a good relationship with your counselor and instructors. Use the guidelines for communication and interaction to help you get the support you need.
How Do I Talk To Professors When I Need Help?
A good way to get better at asking for help is to ASK EARLY AND ASK OFTEN. We are mainly focussed on asking for help at school in this article, but you can easily adapt some of these resources to other environments as well.
We know; sometimes it's awkward or difficult to talk to professors, bosses or people who are in positions of power in our lives. Check out these approaches for how to approach a professor or other helper about common concerns like requesting an extension on homework, clearing up a misunderstanding, or requesting an appointment (and what to do once you’re there!) https://www.dyanavalentine.com/studentsuccess/askforhelp
Key Takeaways
Diversity refers to a great variety of human characteristics and ways in which people differ;
Social identities, whether based on ethnicity, gender, ability or other factors, should be seen as: plural, dynamic, contextual, negotiated and produced in social and interactional contexts;
Stereotypes of people based on their social identities tend to be negative and to define them in relation to their difference from an imaginary ‘norm’;
Stereotypes can lead to prejudice and discrimination, which themselves reflect and perpetuate wider processes of oppression, such as sexism and racism;
Make your social life one of your top priorities. Keeping those connections alive contributes to healthy interdependence and personal success;
Active listening is a key to great conversations;
93% nonverbal communication accounts for most of your communication. Be aware of your nonverbal communication;
Additional benefits of getting to know and networking with instructors include receiving references and academic advice;
Interacting with college instructors contributes to the growth and intellectual maturity that are part of what it means to be “educated”;
Prepare in advance before meeting with an instructor and communicate respectfully, honestly, and sincerely your efforts will be repaid;
It is especially important for part-time and nontraditional students to make the effort to interact with instructors;
Follow accepted guidelines for professional use of email with instructors;
It is worthwhile speaking with an instructor when you disagree about a grade because of what you will learn in this interaction;
Finding a mentor can be one of the most fulfilling experiences in college.
Online courses involve special issues for effective learning, but you must make the effort to interact with the instructor and other students in a way that encourages your success.
N.B.: The Student Success Library item was customized for Santa Monica College (SMC) in Santa Monica, CA. You may come across SMC-specific resources, links, or activities that do not apply to you. Search for your own school’s resources or google for similar tools that can help you where you live, study and work.
This work, Diversity and Communication, is part of the Student Success Library, which is a derivative of Student Success, originally modified by Vanessa Bonilla, Dr. Tyffany Dowd, Jackeline Felix, Dyana Valentine, Olivia Vallejo and Daniella Washington from the original Student Success by Graciela Martinez, Anh Nguyen, and Liz Shaker under CC BY-SA 4.0. Student Success Library is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 by Dyana Valentine. Last edit date: July 2022.