Relationships and Health

Learning Objectives:

  • Identify signs of a healthy relationship;

  • Discern if a relationship is emotionally manipulative or abusive;

  • Take responsibility for your sexual health.

“I am grateful to have been loved, and to be loved now and to be able to love. Because love liberates.”

— Maya Angelou

Romantic relationships are often as much a part of a rich emotional life for college students as for anyone else. But the added challenges of college, especially while also working and maintaining a family life, often stress these relationships. You may have to give extra attention to a relationship to keep it healthy and avoid conflicts that lead to unhappiness and other problems. Relationships go beyond romantic, we have relationships with relatives, family, chosen family, colleagues, online community members, and don’t forget our own selves.

IT STARTS WITH YOU, AND YOU, AND YOU

Healthy relationship often have many of these characteristics:

  • Partners should respect each other as individuals with unique interests and personality traits;

    • Don’t expect your partner(s) to be just like you; 

    • Embrace rather than reject differences;

    • All partners can be supportive of each other.

  • Partners can learn to practice trusting each other and be honest;

    • Opening up emotionally to others without fear of rejection takes time and experimentation;

    • Relationships that begin based on or with frequent deceptions may suffer perpetual problems.

  • Participants and partners can develop and cultivate understanding and have empathy for each other;

  • Good communication is essential;

  • Many relationship problems are rooted in misunderstandings, such as when a partner or partners don’t make consistent and earnest effort to understand what the other(s) want or need.

These positive characteristics of a good relationship don’t happen overnight. The relationship may begin with romantic attraction and only slowly develop into a trusting, mutually supportive friendship as well. The relationship you are thinking about right now might not be romantic. It doesn’t have to be. These principles apply to many types of relationships and participants. The following signs may indicate that a dating relationship is not developing well:

  • Your partner(s) is/are pressuring you for sex when you’re not ready, or interested;

  • Your partner(s) seems angry or abusive when you disagree;

  • Your partner(s), friends, or acquaintance(s) seems possessive when others want to spend time with you or you spend time with yourself or others;

  • Your partner(s) treats you unequally in any way;

  • Your partner(s) is/are emotionally or physically abusive (one time is too many, FYI).

If you recognize that any of these things are happening with someone you’re dating, closely-relating-to or even don’t know very well, please seek out a counselor, advisor, or unrelated or associated trusted person to talk through your concerns. Many relationships, acquaintances, or friendships that can be described by the situations mentioned above continue to escalate and get worse over time. Interrupt the cycle and if you cannot grow together with those you want to be in relationship with, trust and respect boundaries, and have consistent consent confirmation, move on (and if you need help doing that--ask for help).

ONLINE AND LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

Can your relationship survive if you and your partner are living at a distance? This is a common issue for young people going off to college at different schools—and for older college students, too, who may move because of work or school. Sometimes the relationship survives, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s important, if you’re making an effort to stay together, for both partners to accept that being apart will add new pressures on the relationship. Accept also that both of you will be changing in many ways. You may naturally grow apart and decide to break up.

Yet often long-distance relationships do survive successfully. If you do decide to work to keep your relationship alive and vibrant, there are things you can do:

  • Acknowledge that you are both changing, and accept and celebrate your new lives;

  • Don’t feel guilty about being excited by your new life, and don’t try to pretend to your partner that you’re always miserable because you’re separated;

  • Don’t be upset or jealous when your partner tells you about new friends and activities—be happy that they seem happy. Talk about these changes and be happy for each other;

  • If your relationship is solid, it is already based on trust and mutual support, which should continue to give you strength when apart.

Your Turn: Activity

MY HEALTH, RIGHT NOW
On a sheet of paper or document, complete the following sentences and answer the questions:

  • What I think most needs change about my relationship to nourishing and feeding myself is: 

  • The main reason I don’t move my body with joy is:

  • When I feel stressed, I often (How healthy is that? Could you choose more uplifting and encouraging activities instead?): 

  • The first step in resolving a conflict you are having with someone else is to:

  • If you partake in alcohol or other substances, how do you know if your activities are responsible use, or if have or are sometimes become harmful to you?

  • As a college student, why should you care about how much stress you feel and what you do about it?

  • If you have a friend who has seemed very depressed lately, what signs should you beaware of that might indicate they are becoming suicidal?

  • If you do suspect signs of suicide in your friend, what should you do?

  • If you are sexually active, can you be certain you are at zero risk for acquiring HIV? If so, when? If not, why not?

  • Think about your relationship with your caregivers/parents. Watch this TikTok/Instagram post and consider if anything they discussed applies to you. How could you use those tips today?

MY RELATIONSHIPS, RIGHT NOW

  • Choose a friend you enjoy spending time with and ask if they will help you with an “experiment.” Together, make a list of fun things to do together in the next week that will help minimize your stress. Choose activities that are different from your usual habits. Following are some ideas, but be creative and try to include your own healthy ideas:

    • Cook a healthy meal together (if you have a kitchen) or shop together for snacks you can carry with you for when you’re hungry between classes;

    • Get outside at least three times during the week;

    • Study together early in the evening, with snacks and drinks that won’t slow you down or keep you up, and then get to bed on time;

    • At the end of the week, talk about the experiment and how you felt during and afterward. Did you have fun? Did you get some ideas for other or better things to do? Plan to keep doing some of these activities;

    • Spend twenty to thirty minutes online getting more ideas about healthy ways to minimize the stress you feel as a student. Search the phrase “stress reduction” into your search engine and share the new ideas you find with your instructor and fellow students. 

Video

Here’s a great video about how to define and learn more about consent: https://bit.ly/consentfriespp

Sexual Assault and Harrassment prevention starts with a real discussion about consent in sensual relationships: https://bit.ly/consentandrelationships

Getting Help With Family And Intimate Partner Violence 

Intimate Partner and/or Family Violence does not need to be tolerated, excused or endured. 

  • You are not alone;

  • If you find yourself in an abusive relationship or situation, do everything you can do to protect yourself and get out;

  • You are worthy of support and can get help to break the cycle. 

HERE’S an article with resources and encouragement to break the cycle. https://www.dyanavalentine.com/studentsuccess/domesticviolence

Key Takeaways

  • If you are having an emotional or relationship problem that persists and affects your life, don’t hesitate to seek help. Most universities have counselors and health professionals trained to help you get through any crisis;

  • Sexual health is your own business—except that sexuality usually affects and is affected by others. Smart choices focus on protecting yourself from potential problems, regardless of your choices about sexual activity.

N.B.: The Student Success Library item was customized for Santa Monica College (SMC) in Santa Monica, CA. You may come across SMC-specific resources, links, or activities that do not apply to you. Search for your own school’s resources or google for similar tools that can help you where you live, study and work.

Creative Commons License

This work, Relationships and Health, is part of the Student Success Library, which is a derivative of Student Success, originally modified by Vanessa Bonilla, Dr. Tyffany Dowd, Jackeline Felix, Dyana Valentine, Olivia Vallejo and Daniella Washington from the original Student Success by Graciela Martinez, Anh Nguyen, and Liz Shaker under CC BY-SA 4.0. Student Success Library is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0 by Dyana Valentine. Last edit date: December 2022.

student success, textbook, mental health, emotional health, physical healthDyana Valentinerelationships, sexual health, emotional health, physical health, mental health, domestic violence